Conversations With My Mother

Or, My Stupidity Reaches New Levels . . .

Me: I have to go to Bath & Body Works to buy a gift.
Mom: Ooh.
Me: Yeah, our work gift exchange is tomorrow and I haven't gotten my person a gift yet.
Mom: Jennifer Lynn.
Me: I know.
Mom: You know, procrastinating won't make it go away.
Me: I've been busy!
Mom: Uh-huh.
Me: Whatever, I have.
Mom: Which Bath & Body Works are you going to?
Me: Probably the one in Town & Country, cause I don't want to fight the assholes at the Dayton Mall right now. I'm pretty tired.
Mom: Jennie . . .
Me: Town & Country won't be too busy, right?
Mom: Jennie.
Me: What?
Mom: Why don't you go to the Bath & Body Works at The Greene?
Me: Oh, you mean that really cute mall that is right by my apartment and on my way home?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Because I forgot there was one in there.
Mom: Thought so.
Me: What's even worse is I was there last night and walked by Bath & Body Works at least twice.
Mom: Oh, Jennie.
Me: Please don't tell anyone how stupid I am.
Mom: OK.
Me: Cause I want to do it.

And then? When I got to The Greene? I walked around and around and around because I couldn't remember where the store was even though last night we walked around and around and around the entire place and I should have had the layout memorized. I even checked the information map and still couldn't find it. I mean, if the map had said "next to the elephant statues covered in twinkly lights that Heidi dared you to climb" then I could have easily found it BUT IT DIDN'T SAY THAT.

Also, I was just wrapping presents so I thought I'd turn on some Christmas music to get me, YOU KNOW, in the mood. I don't know if you have Delilah in your neck of the woods, but her show is on the All Christmas Station right now (ALSO SHE SUCKS AND I HATE HER) and I began to suspect that the Christmas music wasn't having the intended effect on my mood when I told Delilah to, and I quote, "shut the fuck up and play fucking jingle bells."