And does anything I say seem relevant at all?

Here is what I did this weekend, in list format because I'm lazy:

• I wrote approximately 8 million (OK, five) How To articles on Friday after work and still managed to make it to the gym. However, there have been entire Saturdays where I have had nothing to do but sit around in my pajamas watching Pride & Prejudice (the miniseries) for hours on end and yet I can never seem to find the time to get off the couch and go to the gym. Curious.
• I did not shower on Saturday until 3 in the afternoon, and I only did it then because we were going to a cookout at Heidi's parents house. If it had been my own family, I may not have showered at all. Whatever. They've seen me worse. For example: that time I got drunk at the family get-together after my grandfather's funeral because I drank too much wine and ate too little food and threw up my intestines in their bathroom the next morning (because that is a healthy way to handle grief) oh and there was also that time I got my wisdom teeth removed and spent three days on the sofa looking like a chipmunk with ice packs velcroed to my head all whacked out on Vicodin.
• While at Heidi's parents, her brother treated us to a very up-close display of fireworks. He also tried to turn me into a human sparkler but (thankfully) didn't.
• Also, a little kid said "piece of shit!" and I laughed. What, I'm only human.
• Heidi and I beat Nick and Steve at beer pong. Let me repeat. Heidi and I beat Nick and Steve at beer pong. You should have seen the hissy fit.
• Some drunk girl named Cici said this about me while we were playing beer pong: "Watch out for the little one. She's wiry."
• You should watch out for the little one. Although, I'm not sure wiry is the right word.
• Heidi and I went to the pool on Sunday. I am sunburned in the following places: arms, shoulders, neck, chest, thighs, and eyelids. I wish I could say that was the first time I've ever gotten a sunburn on my eyelids, but it's not. I'm pretty sure I got this exact same sunburn last summer, proving that not only do I not learn from my mistakes, I like to do things that I know will not end well for me and will inevitably just end up driving me BATSHIT CRAZY but I do them anyway. Which . . . duh.

That is all. I feel very blah. I'm not sure why. I have an idea. But most of my ideas end up going nowhere so I'm not giving it too much thought.

(lies)