Show him your bra. He's afraid of bras. Can't work 'em.

Hello, lo-VER(S). Said like Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay, not Phoebe My Cat, because Phoebe My Cat doesn't say anything except "meow" and also, "I hate you, Jennie, and I am plotting your demise," but she only whispers that last one when I'm half asleep and by the time I wake up and am all "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" she just pretends to be sleeping. Whatever.

So, I should definitely be working on some articles, but I missed you too much, Internets. I can't stay away from you. However, since I have been using up my allotment of words on How To articles, I don't have many left. LUCKILY, Kat asked me to do this thing (I refuse to call it a meme because I hate that word with the fire of a thousand suns) and I'll do pretty much anything Kat asks me to do, including but not limited to meeting potentially dangerous strangers for drinks even though they might axe murder me (but didn't.)

Anyway, here are the rules:

1. Post the rules, then list eight things about yourself.
2. At the end of the post, tag and link to eight other people.
3. Leave a comment at those sites, letting them know they've been tagged, and asking them to come read the post so they know what to do.

Eight Simple Rules

1. So these How To articles? You can either claim titles to write on or submit your own. I like to do a little of both but I've given up on trying to submit any, I don't know, USEFUL titles and instead am getting my ideas from The Office (How to Plan Office Olympics, How to Plan a Booze Cruise, How to Plan a Yankee Swap, How to Play Office Pranks) and conversations I have with my friends (How to Recognize the Signs of Sexual Frustration . . . which was actually rejected . . . go figure.) I know it seems like I am incapable of talking about anything else but that's because I AM. I have been spending every moment of my free time writing these . . . except I watched Big Brother last night. And Pirate Master. I'm only human.
2. In college, I used to impersonate Kelly Clarkson when I was drunk. Or sober. If you ever heard "some people wait a lifetime . . . for A MOOOOOMENT LIIIIIKE THIIIIIIIIIIS," from some corner of Wittenberg's campus, the chances are very good that it was me. And that I'd been drinking. OK, or not.
3. Sometimes when I'm bored (coughWORKcough), I sit and think about stuff that's happened to me or conversations I've had with people, only I revise everything so the outcome is more to my liking.
4. I'm afraid of bats. WHAT, they are SCARY.
5. Last weekend, we went to a cookout in the country and stopped to buy beer on the way. I suggested we buy Natty Light. I think everyone thought I was kidding, but I totally wasn't.
6. I think Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper tastes like candy and I'd drink it constantly if I wasn't worried about all of my teeth rotting and falling out.
7. Every time I get off one of the cardio machines at the gym, I think of that episode of Full House where DJ is working out hardcore because she's going to a pool party and has to wear a bathing suit so she keeps riding the exercise bike and getting off and weighing herself and finally she gets off the bike and faints and all the Tanners (and Katsopolises) come running and it's all very dramatic and now that I think about it why was the ENTIRE family (aside from Comet) at the gym together? God, that show is stupid. I'm sorry! No, it's not! I didn't mean it!
8. I can relate practically any moment of my life to something from a TV show or movie. It's NOT because I watch that many movies or TV shows (heh), it's just that my brain can hold a very large amount of useless information. I'm just kidding. Being able to recite Zoolander along with it and then relating it to this time you were in a walk-off is not useless, it's a skill.

You know, I had to think long and hard (heh) about that list. After almost four years, I wonder if I've already told you guys everything. I think the Internets knows more about me than I do. Anyway, according to the rules I'm supposed to tag people, but my brain hurts from all the thinking, so I tag everyone. THE ENTIRE WORLD. Do my bidding, World.