You know that song "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness? I've talked to a couple people about how we have no idea what he's saying in part of it. At one point, we decided one of the lines ended with "i'm a big kid now," but I think that has more to do with pull-ups than love.
Anyway, my point. I found the lyrics, so there should be no more confusion.
Also, I have another letter template, which I'm guessing fewer people will be able to use. Unless, of course, you get the Chronically Crushed letter. Then you could probably send this letter in response. Awesome.
Template Letter for the Steadily Stalked
Dear [insert name of Stalker],
Please stop stalking me. I saw you sitting in your car outside my house last night. And you left your [binoculars/underwear/sandwich] in my [bushes/closet/kitchen].
I've tried to be nice about this. I even left my curtains open a couple of times, hoping you'd enjoy your free show, get bored, and find someone new to stalk. But no. That wasn't enough for you.
That's right, [Stalker], I found the [hidden camera/voodoo doll/lingerie] you put in my [bathroom/car/freezer].
PS: I have included a copy of the restraining order with this letter. Please read it again. If you have trouble with the big words, I'm sure someone at the local library can help you. Good luck in all your future endeavors.