The squirrels in this neighborhood are up to something. I went outside a little bit ago to clean the egg off of my car. I could hear a squirrel in the tree next to me making that weird screechy chirp noise they make. It sounded like it was very far up in the tree, so as I walked by I had my head up staring at the high branches trying to make out a small bit of fur. That's when this squirrel screeched really loudly and jumped on this branch right in front of my face. It scared the crap out of me; I actually shouted "Oh holy shit." Pathetic. I was scared by a SQUIRREL.
As I was trying to scrape the dried egg yolk from my windshield, I noticed a squirrel in the tree across the street, just staring at me. And the one that had scared me was also staring at me, from the space between these two branches. AND there was another squirrel in the next yard who I think was looking for something to eat, but his search didn't really look that believable, you know?
Anyway, that's why I think they're up to something. They're probably after me because of all the chipmunks and squirrels I relocated this summer. Or maybe the relocated squirrels and chipmunks have made their way back to this neighborhood and they're all going to jump out at me one day and drag me off to the nature reserve and leave me there.
Or maybe I should stop smoking so much crack.