Well, you know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S, it IS a bit of a challenge.

It's been a strange weekend. I'm not complaining, because I would never complain about a weekend that lasts three days. That would be wrong. Although, I really think every weekend should be extended to three days. I should write a letter. I don't know who to send it to, though. Who is in charge of these things?

So, anyway. On Friday some friends came over for a low key night. We thought we'd just have a couple of drinks and hang out, maybe watch a movie. Who knows. Three-fourths of a bottle of vodka later and Steve, Heidi, and I were walking to Waffle House at 3 AM. Because when Heidi tried to call every pizza place in the phone book we discovered that, hey, no one delivers pizza at 3 AM. I would say I'm not proud that I was the one who came up with the idea to walk to Waffle House, but I am. Those waffles were delicious, even though I did fall down twice and step in a big pile of mud in the journey to and from them. It was worth it, is what I'm saying.

Somehow I had the presence of mind when we got back from our waffle journey to set my alarm, because I had to go to the DMV on Saturday. The reason? Um, because that was the day my temporary tags expired and I thought I should probably take care of that so I wouldn't get pulled over and have to trade sexual favors so I wouldn't get a ticket. I really can't afford a ticket, you see. Anyway, so I got up Saturday morning, downed some water and Tylenol, considered and ruled out showering, and then went to the DMV. It wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be except for the part where it cost $50, which is really a rip-off for something that you're lawfully obligated to have. Bastards.

The rest of the day I pretty much spent napping. I think I woke up around 4, worked up the motivation to shower by about 5:30 and Heidi and I were finally ready to join civilization around 7. Nice. What sucks is that Saturday turned out to be the only sunny day this entire weekend and we were too tired (ok, hungover) to enjoy it at the pool.

Which brings me to yesterday. That sounds weird. Anyway. Heidi's family was having a cookout at the lake and I was invited and who am I to pass up free food? I like hot dogs. I like deviled eggs (scratch that, I LOVE deviled eggs). I like potato salad. I like sunshine and lakes and stuff. When we left Dayton it was really sunny and warm and beautiful. As we continued to drive, however, it got darker and darker and eventually the torrential downpour started and I cursed the sun for getting my hopes up. I was wearing a tank top and who was going to darken my pale, pale, ghostly white shoulders now? A storm cloud? I don't THINK so. Rude.

After dinner and everything, Heidi's aunt, uncle, and cousins left but then a while later her grandma called and said her aunt had fallen and broken her leg so we ended up spending a good portion of the night in the ER. Heidi's 9 and 13 year old cousins sat quietly and behaved themselves the whole time while Heidi and I did the following:

• wandered the hospital pretending to be Meredith Grey and Christina Yang . . . I'll let you decide who was who


• stole a wheelchair and Heidi pushed me around the hospital


• went outside with said wheelchair and got locked out of the hospital


• tried to find the baby section of the hospital so we could look at new-babies, even though I said I'd rather look at puppies


• found a secret window into the ER and spied


• oh, and I took a picture with my phone of the orange-jumpsuited, handcuffed prisoner that came walking into the ER about twenty minutes after we did

See:

You didn't believe at first, did you? THAT is why I took a picture, you disbelievers! NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN!

Once her aunt was released, we drove home and tried to go to Kroger to buy some beer because when you spend the night in the ER, all you really want is a drink. Unfortunately, it was ten minutes after 1 and apparently you can't buy beer after 1. So, instead we went home and ate chips and salsa and played the old-school Nintendo Heidi had stolen from her brother until 3 AM. Duck hunt! Mario Brothers! Which I suck at! But I don't care! I told Heidi that one day I'm just going to stay home from work and practice so I can be as good at Mario Brothers as she is. It'll be just like that episode of Friends where Chandler sucks at Ms. Pacman until he plays all day and puts dirty words in the high scores thingie and also gets THE CLAW. You know the one I mean. Don't pretend you don't.

Anyway. I hope you all had a good weekend. I have to go shower now. We're going to dinner at The House of My Parents tonight. You can get beer there whenever you want, even if it's after 1, and that is why Kroger should strive to be like my parents.