My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

Earlier this morning, Heidi threatened to punch me in the babymaker because I told her I was declaring it WORST. DAY. EVER. Week again and she said she couldn't deal with me being mopey and "woe is me." But I'm mostly just declaring it WORST. DAY. EVER. Week because my uterus is starting a revolution and I'm pretty sure the ovaries and fallopian tubes are thinking about joining, so I really hope Heidi does NOT punch me in the babymaker because my babymaker? Already hurts.

Anyway, not the point. Today I am here to tell you all about Nashville because I'll bet y'all (I learned that there) are just DYING to know. When Nancy and I left on Friday, it was a beautiful spring day that quickly turned rainy and shitty as we drove south. But the fact that we gained an hour made up for it. I love gaining hours! More time to waste! Whahoo! Everyone else was picking people up at the airport when Nancy and I got to the hotel, so we changed and displayed the penis cake in the best light possible.

Oh my god, this is so boring, I cannot continue. Just . . . here is a list of stuff that happened and stuff that was said. Please remember that you are hearing the stuff that was said completely out of context. Not that it would have made a whole lot more sense in context, but whatever.

• Bridal shower - no games (!!!), delicious food, I accidentally drank half of a bottle of wine (oops)
• Back to the hotel to change and then shopping, although I didn't buy anything
• At the shoe store, Mary, Katie, and I took pictures of ourselves wearing HIDEOUS HIDEOUS CROCS
• "Help me follow her! It's hard when you only have one eye!"
• We brought the sexy back every time we got in the car . . . sometimes twice
• "Have I mentioned I love Justin Timberlake?"
• Dinner at the Bound'ry. SO GOOD. Also! They played the entire Amy Winehouse CD while we were there!
• Irish pub - drank cider, listened to the band, played I Never, even though we all already know everything anyway
• I invented the term "sexual repertoire" and no, I will not tell you the conversation that led up to THAT
• "You can't be naked in Ohio without alcohol!"
• "What's the name of that movie? Batman Retires?"
• Mary and I made friends with some German guys. They told us they were from Germany and the first words out of my mouth were, "No, you're not!"
• I slept in a chair because all the beds were taken. My neck still hurts.
• The next day at lunch, Mary and I were oversharing until Nancy told us to stop because she kept hearing bits and pieces of our conversation and she was trying to eat.

OK, and this was the best part and gets more than a bullet because it is SO paragraph-worthy. On the way home, Nancy and I stopped . . . at DINOSAUR WORLD.

We had seen it on our way to Nashville on Friday and vowed to stop on our way back to Ohio. I am so glad we did. You guys! There were dinosaurs everywhere! Not real ones, unfortunately, but statues. Lots of statues. Even baby dinosaur statues! Of course, I wanted to get my picture taken on top of one of them, but unfortunately there were signs up that said "Please do not sit on the dinosaurs." See:
Well, OK, you can't really see it but that's what it said. Luckily, there was a playground, so I could do this:ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!

Alright. I'm gonna go now. Nerd, out.