The other night I had this dream that I came into work and there was a check sitting on my desk. "Who is this check for?" I asked my coworker. "Ha, you're silly," she said. "It's your check! Your tax refund check!"
I'll admit, even in the dream I thought it was strange that my coworker was giving me my tax refund check, but I went with it. Mostly because it involved me getting money and if it involves me getting money I'll do almost anything. ALMOST, I said. Anyway, so I opened up this check and immediately got pissed because they'd given me $200 less than what I'd been expecting. So, I went up to my coworker all angry and red-faced and shaky and waved the check in her face.
"Where's the rest of my money?" I shouted. She stared. I stared. And huffed and puffed and tried to blow her cubicle down but I couldn't.
"What are you talking about?" she asked. "It's all there."
"Um, no it's not," I said, and slammed the check down on her desk. "There is $200 missing."
"Ooooh! Hahaha," she laughed, risking me punching her in the face and/or babymaker. "That's because they took taxes out!"
Taxes out. Of my tax refund check. My brain is broken, I swear. I am dreaming of tax refunds. I am dreaming of sweet, sweet tax refunds. Although, hopefully there are no taxes taken out of the real one (seriously?) or I really will be forced to punch someone in the face and/or babymaker. So what I'm saying, Government, is that I could really use that money. If you could deposit that in my account today, I'd really appreciate it. You see, all of my friends decided to get married and for some reason all of the bridal showers/bachelorette parties/weddings/receptions are not being held in Dayton. But Dayton is where I am! And the world revolves around me, right?
OK, I know it doesn't, but it totally should.
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