Friday totally snuck up on me this week. Usually by Friday I have already had several mini-breakdowns as a result of either extreme boredom or being crazy-busy. The office has been closed the last couple of days, though, because of FLU (caps lock ON) so all near-breakdowns were a result of the former. I am happy to report that, as of right this very moment, this week has been breakdown free. Do you ever go to post something in your blog, and you get to a certain point where you realize you have no idea what you're talking about? You're just typing to type? I mean, sure, a stream of consciousness exercise has its uses, but I'm not sure they make for the best blogging. OH WELL, too late now.
The other night, I went to my mom and dad's for dinner. My plan, after leaving their house, was to go to the grocery because I was out of cheese slices. That's it. Just cheese slices. And since I hate going to the grocery and prefer to wait to go until I am forced to eat PB&J without the J or, wait, also the PB for dinner, I decided to put it off. Again. I am not to the point of eating a bowl Phoebe's cat food with flat Diet Coke poured on it yet, so instead of going to the grocery I went to Target.
Target strikes again! I was in that store for, I kid you not, at least two hours. I went because hello! You can buy cheese slices there (which I never ended up buying WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?), but more importantly I needed new jeans. That's right, DAD, I NEEDED them. I also wanted them, but mostly I NEEDED them because all of the jeans I have now are too large. Which is better than too small, but still annoying. I'm tired of walking around pulling up my jeans like some drunk hitchhiker. I can also fit two fists into the waistband of my favorite pair of jeans. Not that I routinely walk around with my hands down my pants, but sometimes I get bored, you know? And want to see how many hands I can fit in the waistband of my jeans. That sounds wrong on so many levels, SO moving on.
Last weekend, I went to a family thing because my cousin (second cousin? first cousin once removed? hell if I know) was visiting from California. I hadn't seen her since we were about 10, I think, so it was nice to catch up. I got there kind of late (me?) because I was apartment hunting with a friend and then, yes, I got a teeny bit lost. But not really lost because I just forgot the name of the street I was supposed to turn on. Apparently, since I got there late, I unfortunately missed the point where Brokeback Mountain was discussed, but for the rest of the evening all I heard were comments along the lines of, "Stop it or I'll quit you!" or "Carbs, I am going to quit you tomorrow." I mean, wow. I haven't even seen the movie, but I'm kind of afraid that I'll end up laughing during Jake Gyllenhaal's "I wish I could quit you" speech, because I'm picturing my uncle holding up a cookie and shouting, "COOKIE! I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU!" I mean, wouldn't you laugh? If no, why not? Are you dead inside? If yes, I am sorry. You probably smell bad.
Later that night, I went with some friends to a comedy club. I was quickly taken aback when our waitress dropped the f-bomb several times. Not because I am morally opposed to the word "fuck" (ha!) but because it's not something you expect your waitress to say to you. All three comedians were young men. The second looked like Fez from That 70's Show and the third, even though he said he looked like Keith Urban, resembled a (much) less hot version of Sawyer from Lost. The first one didn't resemble anyone, except I think he looked the way I imagine one of my college professors looked when he was younger, but he's not famous, although he has written a book. ANYWAY. I have never heard so many masturbation jokes in my life, not even during South Park. After the show, we went to a bar and I saw someone I went to high school with. I think his name was Justin. He was balding. Yeah. So I felt good about myself because I'm not balding. I hope. You know what's not a good idea, though? Buying beer so you can play Asshole til 4 AM. I would think most people know this without trying it, but suffice it to say, none of us could move until about 3 in the afternoon the next day. And even then we only managed to drag ourselves to Penn Station oh, and also Target. Oh, Target. You tempt me even when I have no money. That is not cool.
I don't know why I'm doing a last weekend recap on the precipice of the coming weekend. It just happened. Like unplanned pregnancy. No, that did not happen to me. Yet. Haha, just kidding.
I have a feeling that one day all of this joking about unplanned pregnancy is going to sneak up on me. Like, I'll get pregnant and go to the doctor and the doctor will tell me I'm pregnant with like five babies at one time and the camera will pan out of the doctor's office until all you can see is the planet earth and you hear me going, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" except, oh wait, I'm not on TV. I keep forgetting.
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