modus operandi

All joking aside, sometimes I do wonder why I don't have a boyfriend, why I don't really date, why I am never one of those girls that guys seem to flock to. Then I realize I know exactly why that is. Because I approach the opposite sex in the same ways, time after time, the same damn scenarios OVER AND OVER.

Scenario One:

I like Boy A. I assume Boy A does not like me. I never say anything to Boy A. Boy A ends up dating one of my friends. I pine away and then eventually forget about it.

Scenario Two:

I like Boy B. I assume Boy B does not like me. Boy B and I become friends. I pretend not to like Boy B and almost fool myself. I never say anything to Boy B (are we sensing a pattern here?) even though I want to. I spend WAY too much time going over things in my head, trying to decide whether Boy B likes me and eventually decide that no, he does not, because Boy B has never said anything either. I pine away but find it hard to forget about it.

Scenario Three:

I like Boy C. I assume Boy C does not like me. Time goes by. I find out Boy C does like me. I freak out and don't know what to do so I avoid Boy C. He pines and I pine and then we both forget about each other.

I don't know how to break out of this cycle. Other than to actively pursue someone I'm not interested in until maybe I become interested in them. Or to accept any dates I'm offered but HELLO NO ONE IS OFFERING. Or, you know, stalk John Krasinski but I don't really want to go to prison. Unless he needs a stalker to raise publicity or something, in which case, John . . . call me.

ANYWAY. I'm not really sure what I'm babbling about at this point. Maybe I'm doomed to wander the earth, lost and alone (can we say DRAMA QUEEN? ok, good), or to move to the woods to write a sad, lonely novel, contract tuberculosis, and die a slow, liquidy death (um, I do live way Walden Pond, so this is a likely scenario).

Or maybe I should just get over myself and STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Unlikely.