Did you ever read a situation in an advice column and realize that it is so similar to your own that you have to think back and wonder if maybe you got really drunk, wrote it, sent it, and forgot about it?
Yeah, me neither.
So yesterday I was having a really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. A very long, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Like the longest day ever in the history of very long, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Ok, I'll stop. My mood got worse and worse and when I almost choked on the sandwich I had to try and eat in three bites because THAT'S ALL I HAD TIME FOR AND GODDAMN IT I WAS HUNGRY SO I WAS GONNA EAT MY TURKEY SANDWICH (breathe) I was ready to bitchslap that patient's mother who gave me attitude and ROLLED HER FUCKING EYES AT ME (ok seriously breathe) and when she left I had to go to the bathroom to have a little timeout before I actually killed someone WITH BOTH MY BARE HANDS.
I got out of the office late, because a parent forgot TO PICK UP THEIR CHILD so I got to wait with the little boy while he waited for his stupid, asshole mother to remember him. On the way home, I was ready to ram my car into anyone who got in my way, including pedestrians but especially the SUV I got behind with the bumper sticker of picture of Susan B. Anthony with the saying "Real Feminists Don't Kill Babies," like oh my god, that was the most surreal anti-choice bumper sticker I've ever seen. And when it started to rain and people kept cutting me off trying to beat me onto the highway I really really just wanted to stop the car right there and get out all slow-motiony and sad like that REM video but I didn't because at that moment I looked up and saw I was driving toward a rainbow.