I think it has become pretty obvious that I have absolutely no idea what to write in here anymore. I have blogger's block. I've thought about just NOT writing in this blog anymore and shutting it down, but the little voice in my head starts screaming, "No! I don't wanna! If you do it I'll hold my breath until I die, I swear I will!" My inside-my-head voice is four years old.
I'm eating pretzel sticks right now. When I was little, I used to eat them very quickly, in tiny, tiny bites and pretend I was a termite. That probably should have gone in my "weird things I did as a kid" entry, but I just remembered it. What kid pretends they're a termite? Good lord.
I feel like lately all I've been trying to do it get through each day, until I finally reach Friday and can enjoy myself. Work doesn't feel real. I play pretend all week long. I pretend to be nice, that yes, of course I want to be here, and no I don't mind that you're half an hour late for your appointment. Sometimes I forget that I have to be nice to everyone who comes into the office, because in my head I can't help thinking, "but I was just nice to the last person!"
And as I sit here thinking that I'm turning into a walking coma, I can't help but worry . . . is this it? Seriously? Force myself to sit still, smile until my face feels like it's going to crack down the middle, and make nice until I can go home and wait for the weekend in peace?
Don't mind me. I'm just feeling very blah lately and I wish I could figure out why so I could fix it. So far all I've come up with was to wear socks with monkeys on them today. WOW this post is stellar.