Last Friday, I wore this pair of jeans that I found in the back of my closet. Yes, I wore them because I really needed to do laundry, suck it. This particular pair of jeans had a hole in the left knee, a souvenir I picked up about a week after I purchased them, when I tripped over NOTHING and fell down in the street. As it was St. Patrick's Day at the time, I have to surmise that the fall was alcohol-induced.
Anyway, I wore this pair of jeans to work, but it was OK because I was the only one there. Throughout the day, I found myself messing with the hole (heh) in my jeans and eventually I had ripped it completely to the seams, in my mind pretty much rendering the jeans unwearable. Unless I wore them to, I don't know, clean the apartment or wash a car or do some mulching in my nonexistent garden.
Later that night, I decided I would just cut the jeans off at the knee, where the rip was. No, this act was NOT alcohol-induced. Sure, the ends would be frayed but the jeans were ruined anyway so I thought it would be a fun fashion experiment. So I cut them. Like I will cut you if you make fun of me. Just kidding. MAYBE. I tried them on after and thought, OK, they look kind of ridiculous. Like I had just been rescued from a deserted island somewhere. Although, I didn't think they looked too bad if I rolled them up so they ended just above the knee like cute capris that I had actually purchased in a store, not made myself in some bizarre, Frankenstein experiment. Unfortunately, I left them unrolled when I walked into the living room to show my roommate and she immediately started laughing. As she should have. When she finally gathered her wits, she had some questions. As she should have.
Heidi: What did you do?
Me: I was just trying something.
Heidi: You realize you look like the Incredible Hulk, right?
Me: Look, they aren't so bad if I roll them up.
Heidi: . . .
Heidi: Yeah, I still don't think I'd wear them out of the house.
So I haven't worn them out of the house. HOWEVER. Heidi and I saw someone at the zoo wearing my Incredible Hulk pants. Which, OK, it was the zoo so maybe that's a bad example. But then we went to dinner, a semi-nice restaurant, and someone there was wearing them. I will ignore the fact that she was wearing hot pink espadrilles because that was disturbing on SEVERAL levels. Ok, off topic (yes, there was a topic . . . I think) but you know what other foot phenomenon I find disturbing? Crocs. WTF? Those are the ugliest goddamn shoes I have ever seen in my life. And that includes every pair of Jellies I had when I was little.
Anyway, my point is, I think it's OK for me to wear my Incredible Hulk pants out of the house now. Obviously I am some sort of fashion idiot savant who has either started a trend or predicted one. Either way . . . as someone whose wardrobe consists mostly of jeans and different colored shirts of the same style, I'm pretty proud.
To completely change the subject, I'm going to a Michael Buble concert tomorrow night. Please cross your fingers that it doesn't rain, because it's outside. I'm pretty excited, and NOT just because I get to say "Boob-lay" all day long although I'm fairly certain that his name is one of the main reasons I like him.
Also, this is my second post today (did I just BLOW YOUR MIND?) and my third in the past 24 hours, so I'm thinking the whole "sick of myself" theory is shot at this point.