Friday, June 30, 2006

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare . . . to DIE.

I'm sure you all want to hear about the concert last night. DON'T LIE, I know you too well. Oh, Michael Buble. His voice is like buttah. I want to have about 10,000 of his babies and NOT just because of his voice, but because he does Blue Steel at his show. Also, I think I experienced the high point of my life when he started singing Ring of Fire I MEAN COME ON.

I have added another prerequisite for my Boyfriend Must Haves (the longer this list gets, the more obvious it becomes why I, in fact, DO NOT have a boyfriend and that is because I am far, far too picky) and it is that he must be able to sing and/or play an instrument. Although, that seems unfair because while I do sing along with the radio, I do not SING and the only instrument I play is . . . well, I don't play one. So I'd be willing to overlook this prerequisite as long as you were willing to take me to Michael Buble concerts. And also if you knew all the words to Ring of Fire. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? It's not like they are that complicated.

Ok, I'm going to dial down the crazy for a moment. Want to hear something weird? We bonded with the girls sitting in front of us because they overheard Stiffie and I making fun of someone's outfit (seriously . . . bright blue pants and A NECKERCHIEF?!) and nothing brings bitches together like bashing a stranger's clothing choices. Anyway, one of them, it turns out, went to Wittenberg. And, although we spent a good portion of the evening talking to them, I never got around to asking her if she ever streaked the Hollow. Damn.

And finally, this is how I would deal with our patients if I were Dr. House:

Patient's Mother: Can I leave her here while I run some errands?
JennieHouse: Sure! I don't mind babysitting at all! Oh, while you're out, would you please fill up my car with premium gasoline and pick up some milk? My cat loves milk and cookies.

Patient: I'm 20 minutes late, is that ok?
JennieHouse: No problem. I'm going to finish this magazine and then I'll be right with you.

Patient: I have a problem.
JennieHouse: Hey, I have lots of those! Let's put on our PJs, paint our toenails, and talk about BOYS, that'll help.

Patient: I NEED blah blah I'm annoying blah.
JennieHouse: Well, I need you to shut the fuck up, please!

Just kidding. Dr. House would never say "fuck" but because The TV Police do not allow it.

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