Today around 12:30 I wondered why I was so shaky and dizzy and then I realized that I'd been up since 5:30 and the only things I'd consumed were a granola bar and about 87 cups of coffee. So then I had lunch and I felt better. Good story, huh?
I'm housesitting/dogsitting this week. The dog's name is Deefer. I don't know if that's how they spell it. Deefer. As in "Dee fer dog," get it? Wow. My family is pretty creative when it comes to animal names, as evidenced by my grandparents naming their pug, "Pug," me naming my fish, "Fish," (he died by the way . . . save the condolences, it happened like six months ago), and me calling my cat, "Kitty" despite her having an actual full name, which is Phoebe Princess Consuela Bananahammock Buffay.
I don't know where I'm going with this. OBVIOUSLY. Back during 4th of July weekend, my friend Mary was visiting. And that one Monday where a lot of people had to work . . . we didn't, so we had a couple hours to fill before everyone could come home from work and get drunk with us. We filled part of that time by posting fake ads on Craigslist in the Dayton women for men section. You can probably find it if you look hard enough, it's pretty special. We even made up a fake e-mail address for it so I could distinguish the responses from all the other e-mails I get from male admirers because let me tell you, there are A LOT**. Anyway. Long story short (will that ever get old, hahaha, I think everyone will agree that yes, it will and yes, it has), there are a lot of perverts in Dayton. At least 23 of them (yes, I still have the responses and Mary and Heidi and I may or may not have continued responding to some of them until they got, well, too creepy). Of course, Mary and I already knew there were a lot of perverts in Dayton from the time we called Live Links and I said this in my message, "Hi, my name's Shaniqua. I live in my car because I got kicked out of my house for doing drugs. I'm tired of sleeping in my car because it's cold outside, YO" complete with the most ghetto fabulous voice I could muster. Which, by the way, is not very ghetto fabulous at all.
*John McCain, The Daily Show
**rumors of my admirers have been greatly exaggerated