This was like the BEST. WEEK. EVER. For The Daily Show, anyway. I mean, OK, yeah . . . I don't remember who the guests were on Monday and Wednesday. Wednesday's guest was some dude who wrote a book that actually sounded sort of interesting. But I can't remember the name of it. Oh well. ANYWAY. Tuesday's guest was Paul Rudd and Thursday's (which I just watched) was Eddie Izzard. If Paul Rudd is the perfect man then Eddie Izzard is the perfect . . . um, executive transvestite. Is he still an executive transvestite? Every time I see him on a talk show he's just wearing a suit or something. And not even a woman's suit! Has he given up the running, jumping, climbing trees? I have just one more question: cake or death?
I got up early this morning. Well, earlier than I normally do on a Saturday. Probably because I went to bed really early last night because . . . um, I'm a loser? Seriously, I was in bed reading at 11:00. Also? I somehow broke the remote to the TV in my bedroom. OK, see, here's the thing. This remote is some kind of crazy universal remote that doesn't even go to this TV. The real remote broke and I have no idea where it is. So the other night I accidentally pushed a button I'd never pushed before and this lady's voice screeched out of the remote all, "SAY. A WORD." It was so weird. At first I thought I was going crazy because, um, I was hearing voices, but Heidi said she heard it, too. That is how loud the lady is! Heidi could hear her from the OTHER ROOM. Anyway, so now none of the buttons on the remote are working and I don't know how to fix it. Suggestions?
OK, and also? I seem to have really bad luck with electrical appliances. I've broken two coffee makers, at least three computer monitors, a CD player, a printer, at my old job they had to replace my computer twice, and freshman year I bought numerous remotes for my TV. I had to buy a new one because I lost the original one but I think what really happened was my roommate accidentally threw it away or something. I kept buying new remotes and THEY KEPT BREAKING. I swear, I am not doing anything to these appliances to make them just STOP working. I like to think that it's not my ineptitude with all things electrical, it's that I have some untapped superpower that I don't know how to control yet. That, you know, only affects electrical appliances. You just wait, one day I will totally be one of the X-Men. I can't wait to hang out with Hugh Jackman. Score!
Last night, Heidi and I were good and went to the gym and so what did we have for dinner afterward? Taco Bell. My stomach still hurts. The only reason we got it was because a) we did not feel like cooking and b) it's super cheap. AND NOW. I BRING YOU. Conversations With My Roommate: Taco Bell Edition.
Me: Sometimes I can't believe how I will go out in public.
Heidi: Me either. I mean, look at us.
Me: Seriously. But, have you seen some of the other people in this city?
Heidi: I know.
Me: So. Classy.
Heidi: It's true.
Me: Like the ladies in front of us?
Heidi: Hahahaha. I like how they have a pipe on top of their van.
Me: Haha, yeah.
Heidi: They're all, "we're going to check out some plumbing later."
Me: Ha, yeah, and then they're going to check out each other's plumbing!
Heidi: Wow.
Heidi: I made friends with the Taco Bell order taker guy.
Me: I know. He wants you.
Heidi: He's totally going to put extra beef in my quesadilla.
Me: Oh my god.
Heidi: What have you done to me?
Me: Me?
Heidi: You're a bad influence on me.
Me: That is unfair! Who do I get to blame?
Heidi: Let's go with your parents.
Me: OK.
Heidi: After all, they raised you to be this way.
Me: Sure, we'll go with that.
Me: The charity at work is collecting books for Books for Soldiers.
Heidi: That's cool.
Me: Yeah, I think it's something I can get behind.
Heidi: OK.
Me: I mean, I like books. I like soldiers.
Heidi: Yeah ya do!
Me: I walked right into that one.
Heidi: Look at that cloud over there! It has a hole in it.
Me: Where?
Heidi: Or is there just a dark cloud in front of it?
Me: Yeah, it's just a little dark cloud.
Heidi: Bummer.
Me: I know, otherwise it would have looked like a butt. With a butt hole.
Heidi: Haha, OK.
Me: Or a vagina.
Heidi: . . .
Me: With a vagina hole.
Heidi: Seriously?
Me: I don't know.
Heidi: Wow.
Me: You're the one who wanted the Taco Bell guy to put extra beef in your taco!
Heidi: Quesadilla. Not taco. Quesadilla.
Me: Heh, beef in your taco.
Heidi: No, really, what is wrong with you?
I don't even know where to begin with that question. Oh, and I would feel really bad if I didn't remind you guys that today is 6/9. Hey, maybe that explains this post! Yeah, we'll go with that.
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