It's Friday, I'm in love

Wanna know who I'm in love with? FRIDAY. I want to have Friday's babies and then hire a nanny to take care of Friday's babies so Friday and I can jet off to the Bahamas or Europe or wherever it is rich people go. Because you know Friday's loaded. He has a private jet. And an island. So I guess that's where we'll be going. I suppose the babies and the nanny can come, too. But I think the nanny is trying to steal Friday away from me. That slut. What she doesn't know is that I am not above kicking her in the babymaker SO HARD. True story.

Inexplicably, I am in a SPECTACULAR mood today. Well, I guess it's not inexplicable since it's Friday and all. That's pretty damn explicable. Also, I had a really good dream last night and I've found that not only do bad dreams stick with me all the livelong day, SO DO GOOD DREAMS. I guess that's my brains way of balancing out the crazy. Or something. I don't know what I'm talking about, is it obvious?

Funny story. Apparently I won a free makeover from Mary Kay. I guess I had entered some contest at the gym and I won. I vaguely remember entering it. I tend to enter any contest I come across just for the hell of it because I figure one of these days I'll win a million dollars or a car or something. It's bound to happen. So yeah. Free makeover. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it. The lady used the words "pamper yourself" a lot and I'm not really sure what that entails.

I think Phoebe has an eating disorder. Whenever I walk into the kitchen, if she's at her bowl eating she immediately runs out of the room. Like she doesn't want anyone to see her eating. Also, sometimes she eats really fast and then vomits all over the floor. I think one day they'll make a Lifetime movie of her life. Kitty Bulimia: The Silent Killer, If By Silent You Mean Except For the Ungodly Retching Noise She Makes When She Vomits.

So. Wedding tomorrow. I still have not gotten the gift. Oops. HOWEVER, I do have my dress and shoes and purse and really isn't it more important that I take care of myself first? Does she want me showing up to her wedding in a garbage bag and Crocs? I don't have Crocs, don't worry. I also don't know what time we're leaving tomorrow, whether we're going to the hotel or the church first, or if I should get dressed before we leave Dayton or wait until we get to Cleveland. Details. Who said being prepared was important? Not me. Things have a way of working themselves out if I just ignore the problem long enough. HAHA. Again, no idea what I'm talking about.

OK, so I may have a tiny problem. I am wearing these really cute Steve Madden heels to the wedding tomorrow and I've worn them before and the left shoe has a tendency to slip off my heel sometimes when I'm walking. Also, there will be alcohol at this wedding. You see how this may be a problem. What can I do to fix this, Internets, besides wearing another pair of shoes? That is not an option. Don't suggest it or I'll yell at you. I'm a good yeller, too.

Also, will someone remind me to pack my camera tonight? Thanks in advance.

Can I tell you a funny story? You will laugh, if you are anything like me. I laughed for like twenty minutes. Hey! Why not make this a Conversation With My Roommate? Why NOT, I ask you? Let's live a little! Life on the edge, that's the stuff. I swear I have not been smoking anything. I SWEAR.

Heidi: So Nick called me at work earlier . . .
Me: He's on vacation with his family, right?
Heidi: Yes. And he told me something really funny.
Me: Oh yeah?
Heidi: Apparently, his little cousin was in the bathroom for a really long time and when they went in there they noticed that he'd pooped on the floor.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA!
Heidi: Wait, there's more.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Heidi: Not only did he poop on the floor, but he covered it with toilet paper.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm not going to lie to you, Internets, I'm still laughing. Also! Look what was on Overheard in New York the next day:

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can't button my pants.
Mom: It's alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Dear Self,

Grow up.

Love,
Jennie