Earlier today I was catching up on TiVo'ed episodes of The Daily Show, and when I got to last night's episode I could have sworn the guest was the fucking PRESIDENT OF PAKISTAN. Now, I'm pretty tired so I could have been hallucinating but WOW.
Speaking of The Daily Show (I will use pretty much any excuse to bring up Jon Stewart, but you should know that by now), I found out a couple of weeks ago that they will be in Ohio in October. Ohio. THE STATE IN WHICH I LIVE. Of course, immediately after I found this out I went to the website to see if I could get tickets. There was an e-mail address you could use to inquire about how to get tickets so I, being the obsessive fan that I am, did so inquire only to be told that because of the response they weren't giving tickets away anymore. I almost cried. Ok, I did cry a little. No, I didn't. That's a lie. I need to stop that. Lying for no reason, I mean, not crying.
Here is the thing, Internets. I really want to go. I really, really want to go. But I don't have any money. So short of begging on the street corner, where I may be confused with something OTHER than a beggar, I need you to help me figure out how to sneak backstage or onto the tour bus or something. Also, I'm going to need one of these shirts and they're not selling them anymore so that could be a problem.
If this proves to be impossible, I can only pray that they do a piece on Touchdown Jesus*, because really . . . the entire country needs to be aware of what Ohio has to offer.
Help me, Jon Stewart. You're my only hope.
*Do you know what's funny about Touchdown Jesus? Besides the obvious, I mean. When you get off at that exit, almost the very first thing you see is a Hustler store.