Friday, September 29, 2006

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me

I think God or Karma or The Flying Spaghetti Monster is trying to tell me something. It's been a shitty week. First there was the car, then the shitty work schedule, oh and then the car again, and did I mention work? Then I woke up yesterday and my right eye was swollen. Swollen. Like Heidi had snuck into my room and punched me in the face while I was sleeping. Heidi, did you? Seriously, tell me. I hope I didn't get pinkeye from one of the tiny, unwashed, germ-infested miscreants (patients) that come into our office. Gross.

But anyway, worst of all, this morning I walked out of the apartment and a squirrel threw a nut at me! It didn't hit me (squirrels don't have very good aim) but it almost did. And I know what you're thinking. Squirrels aren't malicious creatures who sit in their trees plotting to overthrow the human race with an extensive array of nut ammunition. Well, I'm here to tell you that YES THEY ARE. They are starting a revolution. You can say I'm crazy (you won't be the first), but I saw the look in that squirrel's eye after he threw that nut at me. It said, "that was a warning, bitch . . . next time, oh next time you won't be so lucky."

So consider yourself warned, Internets.

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