Oh, that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.

Does anyone else make themselves live by completely arbitrary rules? I do, if only to give my life the appearance of order. Like, say, on the weekends? If I wake up after 11:30, I'm not allowed to have coffee. Because, in my mind (scary place), coffee time is over at 11:30. Well, really, it's because if I wake up at 11:30, by the time I roll out of bed, brush my teeth, and get around to actually making said coffee, it's already after noon by the time the coffee is done. And I just don't drink coffee after noon. No, I don't know why.

Along the same lines, I also don't let myself eat lunch before noon. I don't care if I didn't eat the day before and I'm starving and my stomach is growling so loud that a small child just ran away screaming because he thought a tiny cheetah was going to burst forth from my insides, I make myself wait until the clock says 12:01. It's kind of like when I babysat my cousins all summer . . . they'd never want to eat breakfast so by the time 10:30 rolled around they were ready for lunch. Well, since I was a Lunch Nazi I'd make them wait until at least 11 because SERIOUSLY? You cannot eat lunch at 10:30. NO. FREAKING. WAY. This meant that around 10:45 each day I'd start hearing, "Jennie, can we eat lunch? Pleeeeaaaase?" and I'd say no and so they'd sit in front of the clock and the minute it was 11 I'd be ushered into the kitchen by two hungry and irate children. I didn't and DON'T care. Eating lunch before 11 is abnormal and I think their parents would agree with me. Also, for some reason my younger cousin never wanted to get dressed. I don't really blame him, because who DOESN'T like to spend all day in their pajamas? But I don't think my aunt would have been too happy to come home at 3 o'clock and find him sprawled out on the sofa in his Superman underwear watching Step by Step. For several reasons. ANYWAY.

Right, so other arbitrary rules include: no getting back into bed after showering in the morning (because I WILL fall back to sleep), no water after 10 PM (I have a tiny bladder NO SERIOUSLY like minuscule), no using my credit card for charges under $10, oh and also, no beer before liquor. That is the most important one.

I know it's strange to make up silly rules for myself, but trust me when I say, it feels so SO good to break them.