You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!

Heidi (Roommate) asks: When are you going to fix your coffeemaker? When are we going to fix our light in the kitchen? When are we going to paint?

And she should really know the answer to these questions is NEVER. Because I am involved and when I am involved that means Procrastination is involved and when PROCRASTINATION is involved . . . well, you know. The other night, I was looking through the benefits package I got when I started my new job, which is kind of amazing because I still have two more weeks before I have to turn anything in. So, I mean, the fact that I'm looking at it before the last day is pretty unbelievable, right? Anyway, Conversations With My Roommate blah blah blah:

Me [singing]: I would like medical insurance . . . donde esta my medical insurance form?
Heidi: Yeah, you need medical insurance to treat your gonorrhea.
Me: Hey!
Heidi: Or is it syphilis*?
Me: My away message now says "Heidi is mean."
Heidi: It's not my fault you have gonorrhea.
Me: True enough.
Heidi: The oral herpes, on the other hand . . .
Me: What is wrong with you?

Heidi makes fun of me a lot. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I mean, I bring it on myself. Most of the time. That time earlier this week when she made fun of my short, stubby ponytail, that was uncalled for. My hair is growing as fast as it can! Leave it alone! At least it's a ponytail, even if it is a short, stubby one. Today, however, when she made fun of me for freaking out about the word "we?" Totally my fault. I could tell you why I freaked out but it wouldn't make sense to you. It barely made sense to me and it ended with her calling me Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother . . . geez, look it up) partly because I am afraid of commitment just like Robin but mostly for reasons that probably only make sense to Heidi. Also me. That's it, though.

Aaaaanyway, so I get made fun of a lot. Just a few minutes ago she laughed at me for telling her to throw the last potato away so we didn't get a potato disease, but if you had seen the weird growths on this potato you wouldn't want to eat it either.

*Other reasons I get made fun of? I say things like "Man, I always spell syphilis wrong." Out loud. In front of people.