miss almost, miss maybe, miss halfway

Heidi is working her other job tonight (on the corner . . . ZING! Jennie shut up) so I've been getting lots accomplished. Here is what I've done:

Went to the grocery. Bought salad, Q-tips, and chapstick.
Made dinner. Consisting of leftover chicken cut up on top of salad and french fries. French fries not in salad, but on side.
Finished my book.
Contemplated started a new one.
Watched House instead.
Dicked around on the Internets reading blogs and trying to figure out how to pronounce "Sufjan."
SERIOUSLY someone tell me, I'm sick of being afraid to try and say it because I'm going to say it wrong.

That's it. I didn't go to the gym. I didn't do anything productive, except OOH I paid one bill. Go me. Because when Heidi is not here I come home and put on my pajamas and revert to the hermit lady I once was when I lived alone. And what is wrong with being a crazy hermit lady, I want to know.

Anyway, it's been a weird year so far, yeah? Yeah. Thanks for agreeing with me. Since I am not doing anything productive this evening, I thought I'd take stock of the resolutions I made AAAAALL the way back in January. If you don't like it, you can just GO AWAY (please don't) or read it and complain in the comments or something. I don't care. I was going to answer more questions but I got tired of all the soul-crushing and truth-telling. Ha, no, I don't really know what I'm talking about either. So . . . let's do this thing.

Write more (this blog doesn't count as writing, since I am basically just spewing word salad everywhere)

Ha! This hasn't happened and I actually accidentally deleted Microsoft Office from my computer. Yes, accidentally. That will teach me to try and clean up my computer after drinking half a bottle of wine.

Eat better (because dinners consisting of pb&j and applesauce are not cutting it)

Actually, we've been doing a lot better with this! I say we, because Heidi makes me buy actual food at the grocery and cook it. Left to my own devices, I'd eat Hot Pockets and chips and salsa every night.

For that matter, learn to cook. Because the pictures Kat takes of her food are so pretty.

This is kind of working. Remember that time I made banana bread?! It was SO. GOOD. You don't even know. Well, some of you do. The rest of you don't, though. Sorry. (Heh, sorry, Sorry . . . like five people got that.) There was a minor setback when Heidi and I tried to make prime rib, but once it finally finished cooking, that tasted pretty damn good, too.

Stop procrastinating as much (we'll see how that goes, seeing as how I waited til the 4th to make any resolutions)

HAHAHAHA!

Don't get pregnant (so far, so good)

No babies.

Don't get married in Vegas (so far, so good)

No husbands.

or anywhere else (so far, so good)

I said no husbands. Pay attention.

Don't get bitten by a zombie (so far, so good)

I don't think so, although that would explain the whole not sleeping thing. See: Yesterday.

Clean the apartment more often (yeah, we'll see)

Who knows? There are no piles of garbage anywhere or families of cockroaches under the stove so I'm putting this one in the win column. Yes, there are columns.

Go to the doctor when sick instead of trying to treat self with a combination of denial, naps, and lots of self-medicating

But the self-medicating is the best part! What was I thinking?

Spend fewer hours dicking around on the Internets

Again, I say, HAHAHAHA!

Take more pictures

Done and DONE

Travel somewhere other than Chicago (any suggestions?)

Heh. Done and DONE. And then some.

Visit Chicago at least twice, though

Not yet. Give me time. GIVE ME TIME I SAID.

Stop calling Phoebe names like slut, whore, bitch, pussy, slutbag, etc. even though SHE TOTALLY DESERVES IT

Never gonna happen.

OK, so I'm not going to lie to you guys. I went back in my archives (archives sounds so pretentious) to look for the prime rib incident (different than The Noodle Incident) and I just kept reading and reading because I honestly have forgotten writing most of it. I don't know what that's about. I didn't write all of it drunk or anything. Maybe bits and pieces but not three months worth. It reminded me of the other night when Heidi read me this old e-mail she found that I sent like a year and a half ago to tell everyone my new phone number, only I kept rambling on and on about gorillas and pirates and gorilla pirates. I think I have some sort of brain disorder. I'd better go watch more House.