Thursday, April 12, 2007

Yeah, and if you were the Pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And, "put on your good vestments."

I spend a very large quantity of time every day daydreaming. Usually while twirling the same strand of hair with a not-so-bright look on my face. It's becoming a problem. Sometimes the daydreams are so tangible that I feel like I could reach out and grab them or tumble forward and escape the constraints of my (admittedly comfy) desk chair into a more interesting world. And sometimes? I worry that I bypassed daydreaming altogether and fell asleep at my desk and wandered into a real dream.

This morning was the very first morning that I forgot to turn my cell phone ringer off at work. So imagine my surprise when I heard Johnny Cash's voice coming from my purse. I rushed to turn it off and prepared myself in case anyone wandered into my office. "Ring of Fire? I didn't hear any Ring of Fire. Crazy, get out of my office," is what I would have said. Earlier in the morning, when I was getting ready for work, my cell phone made that wonderful little trilling noise it makes when I have a text message. "Oh joy!" I exclaimed (no, I didn't). "A text message this early in the morning! Whoever could be texting me this early? I hope it's something delicious and good! Oh, phone, how I love you!" And forsooth, it was something good. That didn't make any sense, I just wanted to say "forsooth." I noticed the number began with 010 and there were like four million numbers after it, which usually means my friend Kate is text messaging me from AFRICA. That's right, she doesn't have electricity or indoor plumbing, but she has a cell phone. Anyway. I got excited! Because Kate! Was texting me! From AFRICA! Only, it wasn't from Kate, it was from some STRANGER and this is what it said:

Alec, I will be passing thru ekwendeni tmrw morning to pick up the papers. Will u be around? Pls text back.

Weird, right? I was going to answer it but then I realized that text messaging AFRICA might be expensive.

Anyway, so this afternoon I had to go to someone else's office so she could teach me how to do something and she had this space heater on and it was right after lunch and I'm always really sleepy right after lunch but it was even worse today because of the heater and she was also playing Rush Limbaugh on her radio and I kept hearing bits and pieces of his show and it was really hard to concentrate. On account of all the rage, you know? So I crossed my legs in the most uncomfortable position possible so I'd stay awake at least and when she was done talking I stood up and almost fell over because my foot had fallen asleep. At least they're all getting a taste of how I fall down all the time and am really clumsy, because the other day I smacked myself in the head with the file drawer I was opening. Then I went into my office and my new toner had come in. I had to order a new one because my printer was making these big black splotches all over everything I printed and, after he'd spent 25 minutes messing around with my printer, the IT guy told me my toner cartridge was busted. So today I changed it myself because I think it's stupid to call the IT department for stuff I'm perfectly capable of doing myself but then I got toner all over my hands and my desk and probably all over the floor, too, but I'm not sure because the carpet is so dark.

And as I was sitting there surreptitiously wiping toner off of my hands with every tissue I had left in the box, I started thinking I MUST have fallen to sleep. I was dreaming, right? These things don't happen to people. Most people don't almost fall into their coworkers laps, hit themselves in the head with drawers, or channel Johnny Cash from their purse but then I realized that HEY I'm probably not dreaming, I'm just stuck in a cartoon. Which is OK because I like cartoons. If I had to be stuck in a cartoon, I'd prefer to be stuck in Futurama because maybe I'd get to fly a spaceship and that is my dream.

And now that we've come full circle in the most ass-backwards way possible, I'm going to go watch The Office. GOOD TALK!

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