Saturday, March 29, 2008

I have officially run out of things to talk about

My high school lunchroom, like most, had a condiment bar. It was right next to the cash registers, so after everyone stood in line to pay, they could THEN stand in line to squirt some mustard on their hot dog or whatever the hell the lunchroom was serving that day. I don't know. Most days I got french fries or . . . french fries.

The interesting thing about my high school's condiment station was the apparatus used to dispense the various condiments. It was this big shelf thing with what can only be described as udders hanging off of it. You squeezed the udders to make the condiment come out. I wish I could show you a real picture, but I can't, because according to my cousins who are now in high school (how the hell did that happen, btw?), they've gotten rid of the udder contraption. Which is unfortunate, because they're being deprived of something special. There's nothing quite like that feeling of inappropriateness that comes with squeezing a giant condiment udder. Especially the mayonnaise one.

Anyway, while I do not have a real picture, here is a drawing I made of what I remember it looking like. Stephanie, I believe you can back me up on this, yes?

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  1. If my high school had one of those I would have had perfect attendance.

    BTW - Did your H.S. server "Flying Saucers?" These were ham and cheese sandwiches that were heated up, served on a bun, and wrapped in tin-foil. I resented them more than anything else in my entire high school career.

  2. that is so disgusting.

  3. Is it weird that I can't even remember eating lunch most days in high school? I mean, I know I did, but I don't remember anything so awesome as a "condiment station." I do remember the lunch ladies always wearing gloves and funny hats, though.

  4. Only because of the mayo, Ghee.

    This reminds me of Odie May. I went to a girls' prep school that gave us cookies during our break. We wore uniforms and Odie May would deposit a handful of cookies into our hands. Of course, Odie May's hands were much larger and much warmer causing the icing or chocolate chips to melt a wee bit. They were so good that we'd try to go back for seconds, but that Odie May had a keen eye for repeats. Waggin' her the rather large index finger of her empty hand, she'd scold us for trying to get more than what was comin' to us. So... We'd go out the door, put someone's green sweater over our blouse and try again. Somehow that always worked. We'd trick Odie May into a second helping of hand warmed cookies!

    Yeh, that's pretty gross too.

    And the "flying Saucers"??? We called them "mountain climbers" - same thing - they flew across the room like flying saucers.

    Abigail's Mom, Sal

  5. I can, in fact, back you up on that. I think of it on occasion when I go to restaurants, and all they have is those boring packets of various condiments.

    Oh, how I miss the udder.

  6. Oh, my high school had these contraptions too. The guys would snicker when the girls used it. God, I hate high school boys.

  7. This post prompted me to do some homework.

    This is what I learned:

    You are the only site in the world that comes up when I search "condiment udder".

    Try it.