OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS! Ahem. Oh my god, you guys! Lost . . . I just . . . I have no words.
OK, just kidding, I have all sorts of words. Lost blew my mind twice last night (slut) and THEN made me sob and sob like a little baby who lost its mom at the mall and also someone stole its cookie. And it was a giant, soft chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven. You know, when the chips are still all melty? So you KNOW that baby is upset. And so was I. Truth.
As soon as "Johnson" (was that his name?) started walking toward Sayid, Desmond,* and the weirdo doctor with the CRAZY EYES, in my head, I was all, "Oh my god . . . is that Michael? No way. I know they said he was coming back, but . . . no. No way. OH MY GOD, IT'S MICHAEL." Because, you guys! IT WAS MICHAEL! And in my head (again), I was like, "Michael," you know like how GOB says it? Like that. That's how I said it. In my head. OK, out loud.
Sidebar: I apologize to those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. I mean, with that last paragraph alone, I've not only alienated those who don't watch Lost, but also those who don't watch Arrested Development. Although . . . if you don't watch Arrested Development, what the hell is wrong with you? /sidebar
Anyway. Can you guys believe Michael is Ben's "man on the boat?" I did not see that coming. Granted, I stopped trying to figure out what was going on on Lost a looooooong time ago, because the show is a lot more fun to watch if you just give up and think of it as pure (awesome) entertainment. I mean, the beginning of the episode was kind of ho-hum, business as usual. I was watching it in bed, all slumped against the pillows with my eyes half open. But when Michael walked into the light, I sat straight up in bed and was all, "HOLY SHIT," and then I looked around for someone to share my disbelief, but there wasn't anyone in my bedroom besides Phoebe and my own reflection in the mirror, and so I gave my reflection an air-five. It was awesome. And by awesome, I mean lame.
OK, AND THEN? There was a double whammy flashforward/flashback. WELL DONE, LOST. Seriously, kudos. And THAT is where your kudos ends, because SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE KILLING JIN? REALLY? Even as I watched Sun putting on a black dress and jewelry and she and Hurley walked into a cemetery, I was like, "no . . . they wouldn't kill Jin, NOOOOOOOOOO!" but they did. And I cried A LOT. And then I was like, "Jennie, calm down, these aren't real people," and then my reflection jumped out of the mirror and smacked me in the head. True story.