Ten minutes to Wapner. We're definitely locked in this box with no TV.

Hi. I'm pretty tired today, on account of all the stuff I did last night. For example, I:

• raced a cow
• went ice skating
• rode on a shopping cart
• threw bunnies off a cliff
• played baseball with bunnies
• was in a band
• knocked half of Paris over with the power of my burp
• shot ducks, balloons, alien spaceships and Heidi's face
• played ping pong
• played pool
• went fishing
• milked a pig and milked it faster than anyone milked a cow

Oh, right, all of this was on Wii. Of course. I would never throw bunnies or milk a pig or go fishing in real life. Isn't it nice that you don't even have to leave the house anymore to do all these things? We went around the world last night with this weirdo cracked-out bunny game and I didn't even have to put on my shoes.

I've done nothing of consequence all day. Of course, I've only been up for an hour, but I've filled that hour with coffee and honey nut cheerios and Spongebob. So far, this is like the best Saturday ever. I hope everyone else's Saturday is as Spongeboby as mine.