today (so far) in email

1. Sharks and

My mom sent me a forward this morning about this family that went on vacation in Australia. The mom, dad, and son all go scuba diving and right as the son is taking a picture of his loving parents, he FREAKS OUT and swims as fast as his little body can carry him back to the boat. His parents follow him because they're all, "wtf, why is our kid such a crybaby loser?" and he's like, "whatever, parents, there was a giant shark behind you!" And they don't believe him (because kids = liars) but when they get the pictures developed they see THIS:



And my mom called me a party pooper just because I looked it up on Snopes and told her it wasn't true. I said, "WHATEVER, if you want to go around believing false information, go ahead, but it feels much better to be right." And then she told me I was starting to sound like my dad and to be careful. Meh.

2. Eggs and

Around 8:30 this morning, a company-wide e-mail went out. It said something to the effect of: Hey, suckers. There are a dozen Easter eggs hidden around the building. Whoever is willing to degrade themselves by running around like a 5-year-old wins $20 if they find an egg.

And since, of course, I will degrade myself for a lot less than $20, I immediately jumped up and ran out of my office. I wasn't the only one, though. Everyone else poured out of their offices and for every step closer they got to an egg, they shed about 2 - 5 years (math). Luckily, I found an egg by the water cooler as soon as I walked into the hallway, but other people were reduced to sprinting down the hall and stairs just to win their $20. Yay! I am $20 richer. Also, I got to keep the egg so . . . SCORE, I guess.

3. Books (oh my!)

Last night, I finished the book I was (re)reading. Because I am bossy and like to tell people which books to read, I emailed Heidi and was all, "I finished this really good book I think you'd like, so you should read it. It's called The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing (it's not about hunting or fishing.)"

I know I read this book years ago, but I'd forgotten most of it. Actually, I think what I did was banish it to the deepest recesses of my brain, because the whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking, "this girl is me, oh dear god." I don't really enjoy that kind of self-awareness.

And when I read this, which someone says (sort of) to the main character: Making jokes is your way of saying "Do you love me?" and when someone laughs you think they've said yes.

I had to put the book down for a minute because WHOA never in my life has a book known me so well.