Last night, my roommate and I walked to the new mall they have been building for the last eighteen years. They were having their grand opening and luckily, we live a ten-minute-walk away so we didn't have to fight with all the other assholes in Dayton to find a parking spot.
I have been pretty excited for this new mall because, and don't judge me, there will now be a bar within walking distance of my apartment. And this is Ohio. Suburban Ohio. So maybe you don't understand just how special it is not to have to drive to a bar and worry about how you're getting home. Not that it's stopped us in the past, but still. And as Heidi pointed out, we can walk to the bar, then walk across the street to The Waffle House (I KNOW, don't be jealous) and then walk home. Who wants to come visit and don't lie, I know you do.
Bar aside, what else is now within walking distance? A Cheesecake Factory, a movie theater, a comedy club, White House Black Market, Coldstone, several other stores and restaurants and . . . a book store. A two-story bookstore. I almost peed a little, I was so excited. Between this mall and the upcoming Ikea, my credit card is going to break in half from exhaustion.
I thought the best part about this new mall is that it gave me a good, central location to run to should zombies ever attack. This is something I spend a good deal of time worrying about, you know. The only problem is, this is not a traditional mall. You have to actually go outside to get from store to store. None of it is connected. So I may have to rethink my Zombie Survival Plan. I still think this mall will be the best place to go. After all, it only takes ten minutes to walk there but let's face it. If these guys are following you, would you be walking? HELL. NO. You would be running as fast as your little legs would allow. I'd drive my car STRAIGHT INTO The Cheesecake Factory to get away from them. You can survive on cheesecake, right? And then, maybe I can get like a jetpack or something? So I can fly from rooftop to rooftop? How much are jetpacks?
I'm sure any visitors to our apartment will be glad to know that, should zombies attack, I know where to go. Laugh at me all you want now, but when the zombie revolution comes, I'll be the one with all the cheesecake and the books and the cute outfits. And if you're lucky, you'll be with me.