So the other day on the way to work I heard some exciting news. They are building an IKEA in Cincinnati. Actually, not even all the way to Cincinnati so it will be SO CLOSE and I'll get to drive by Giant Touchdown Jesus to get to it. When I heard that news I think I had a tiny orgasm which was NOT SAFE because I was in the car. But come on. An Ikea less than an hour away. Did you see the nurse squirrels? How can you not love a store that brings you something like the nurse squirrels? Nurse squirrels! Wrapping tiny bandages! Around tiny baby squirrels! I really like squirrels. Once when I was younger we found some squirrels in our backyard and we fed them gatorade (for real) out of a teeny, tiny, eyedropper. They were so cute, even though they kind of looked like aborted rat fetuses with their squinty, glued shut eyes and their stringy, not-yet-fluffy tails. After a few days we took them to a nature reserve. At least that's what my parents told me we did with them. And if that's not what really happened, then I don't want to know.