Whenever I hear that Weezer song "Beverly Hills," all I can think about is a dancing midget dressed as Elvis.
I know. That's weird. Stick with me.
The REASON that song has been forever ruined for me is Pants Off Dance Off. Have you seen that show? It's on Fuse. It's on late. It's on entirely too often. I discovered it late one night right after we'd gotten our cable hooked up. Because once I had cable again I found it hard to pry the remote out of my hand. The episode I saw featured a hot guy dancing around in tighty whities who barely spoke English. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning I was worried that I had actually made the whole thing up. Or dreamed it. Dreamed about half-naked people dancing in front of music videos. Which would be sad and kind of creepy but honestly? I've had weirder dreams.
Once I'd seen this show, I wanted to show it to EVERYONE. Luckily, we have TiVo. I recorded an episode but didn't get around to watching it until the day of our 4th of July cookout. Mary and I settled in to the sofa, ready to be entertained. Which we were. We were also HORRIFIED that the episode I had recorded featured a) a dancing midget stripping off his Elvis jumpsuit to reveal (what looked like) assless chaps and b) a flabby stripper wearing a hot pink bikini and a UNICORN HEAD. I mean, if YOU had seen something that horrifying wouldn't you share it with each one of your dearest friends? Mary and I figured that if we had to have the image of a middle-aged midget slooooowly taking his clothes off burned into our brains forever, everyone else should be subjected to the same torture. It's only fair! We had to share it! Seriously, it was like The Ring, I kept expecting the phone to ring with some "Seven daaaaays" shit and then a week later open my front door to find Unicorn Woman and then she'd stab me with her unicorn horn. Or something.
But perhaps the weirdest, most surreal part of the show? It's hosted by none other than Stephanie Tanner.