We call our downstairs neighbor Slammy Slammerson because each and every day she slams her front door shut with the force of a thousand Mack trucks slamming into a thousand tiny, body-building midgets (I don't know) at 100 mph. Other than that, she's fairly quiet and I hardly ever see her. Far be it for me to complain, considering we have already had a couple of fairly loud events at our apartment that have lasted into the wee (like midgets) hours of the morning.
But the past couple of days Slammy Slammerson has been crossing the line. She has people visiting from out of state (Pennsylvania) and they keep parking their giant, family-size van in one of our precious parking spots. This would be enough for me to heave great passive-aggressive sighs of displeasure but I saw today that this van has a giant Bush/Cheney sticker on the right side. Now I'm just trying to figure out if it's worth going to the store for the sole purpose of buying a carton of eggs just so I can throw one of them at this van. I've decided that, no, it's probably not wise to do something like that but not because it's WRONG but because someone might see me. And as much as I like to do things that may get me into trouble, I don't like to get caught doing them.
The worst offense, however? Slammy Slammerson has a pair of pink Crocs sitting on her porch. Not only does that mean she WEARS them but I have to look at them whenever I go outside which is not often because it's hot and humid and there are bugs out there.
I know I should be glad that she's not letting her dog pee on my porch or having loud, violent sex at 4 AM but . . . Crocs? Really?