don't forget to breathe

I think Heidi and I just permanently injured ourselves doing Pilates. Seriously. At some point, when I was lying on my back with my legs behind my head and then Mari Windsor told me to spread them I wondered if I'd fallen asleep and was having some sort of horrible, prison dream. But I wasn't. It was a lucid nightmare. And then she kept reminding me to breathe and I got all defensive like "no shit, MARI, in all my 24 years on this earth I have NEVER forgotten to breathe" but then I realized that, no, actually, I wasn't breathing and that's why I just woke up in a pretzel shape because I passed out while rocking back and forth and HOLDING MY FREAKING ANKLES.

Whoever came up with that torture is crazy. But like, crazy in a good way because it actually works. Which makes me keep inflicting the torture upon myself. Which I think makes me a little crazy. Or a lot crazy. But we already knew that.

The whole doing Pilates is part of a crazy experiment I have come up with that involves actually doing some sort of physical activity every day in order to not pass out from walking up the one step stoop in front of our apartment. And since this crazy experiment is actually working, my friend Mary and I have come up with another experiment. This one is more of a social experiment, though. We're going to post ads on Craigslist (real ones this time) and see what happens. We like the position of power, because if anyone crazy or grammatically challenged or fifty answers we can delete them forever before they get our e-mail addresses and stalk us and kidnap us and steal our underwear. I wish Heidi was single so she could try our experiment, too. I don't think two people make a very good sample. Anyone else interested? COME ON, it'll be fun. Ok, maybe not fun. Most likely awkward and uncomfortable. But we're doing this in the name of SCIENCE. Or boredom. Whatever works for you.

I'm kind of excited for us to try this because it will at least give me something to write about on here. You know, so I can stop writing about how I almost broke my neck doing Pilates. And, yes, meeting new people kind of makes me so nervous I throw up in my mouth a little. So I think I'll just take Mari Windsor's advice.

The part about the breathing. Not throwing my legs behind my head. Talk about awkward.