Tuesday, August 01, 2006

It's so damn hot . . . milk was a bad choice

So, I was definitely one of those people who was all, "I'm not gonna complain about how hot it is because, hello, it's SUMMER and the last time I checked it gets really hot in the summer," especially when people started complaining about how hot it was all the time, no wait, but REALLY especially for those assholes who felt the need to say, "is it hot enough out there for you?" when coming into our office (which, by the way, is kept at a frigid -200 degrees) and yes, I'm talking to you, UPS guy . . . I know it sucks to have to wear that outfit and carry around heavy boxes all the livelong day but I don't really want to hear about it. Yes, I know that sounds callous and uncaring but I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Also, please stop sweating on the packages. And stop standing there and telling me stories about carrying boxes up three flights of stairs, because I know you're just stalling so you can suck up the air conditioning.

But anyway, my point is (yes, I have one) . . . it is really hot outside. Hey, I didn't say it was an interesting point. And, yes it IS hot enough out there for me, thank you very much. It is also so humid that I almost drowned from breathing in the air. No, I'm not exaggerating. Suck it.

See? The heat is making me irritable. And, much like alcohol, it is lowering my inhibitions. When I walked out of the grocery store and almost fell down on the ground because the Heat Miser* slapped me like a bitch, I was suddenly compelled to yell, "Oh my god! It's so fucking hot out here!" But I didn't. It was hard to stop myself, though. And then when I got home, I put the groceries away and immediately started stripping my clothes off on my way down the hallway to my room, not noticing until after I'd changed that the blinds on the windows that look into the apartment next door were wide open. It's OK, though, cause I don't think they were home from work yet. Even still, if you find blurry pictures of me in the Internets in just my bra and underwear, please tell me so I can contact the proper authorities. I did not sign up for that shit.

*Oh my god, seriously though? How fucking awesome is the Heat Miser?

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