You guys, I was so (!) excited (!) to go to Kings Island. I hadn't been in years. And years. Years. Anyway. When we got there, I started to get a little too excited because of all the ROLLER COASTERS OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS DO YOU SEE THEM ALL THEY GO UPSIDE DOWN AND FAST. It was decided that if I got too excited, I would be taken to the merry-go-round until I calmed down. For the record, we only had to ride the merry-go-round once and I may have been more excited about that than anything else because every time I ride a merry-go-round, I hope that the horses will jump off just like in Mary Poppins. That didn't happen, though. We all named our horses. Kate's was McGillicutty. Heidi's was Lightning Jack (I think? It was Lightning something) and mine was Sandy. Sandy Vagina. Steve did not ride the merry-go-round because he is not secure in his manhood. Heh.
You wanna know what else? NO ONE, not ONE of my friends, would ride Delirium with me. APPARENTLY they didn't like the fact that it spins you in circles while swinging you back and forth like a pendulum but CLEARLY that is the best part. I wonder what it is that makes some people look at a roller coaster and think, "OH MY GOD I NEED TO RIDE THAT NOW," and others think, "Yes, I do believe I may die if I step onto that deathcar, so I will be staying here." Hmm. I've never really been scared to ride roller coasters, but I think in my case it has more to do with the fact that I'm sort of dumb and it's harder to scare dumb people. I think? I haven't put a lot of thought into this theory so POINT PROVEN, in my opinion.
I do have a bone to pick with Kings Island, though. Several bones, actually. What the hell does that even mean? Anyway.
FIRST OF ALL, they got rid of the antique cars! WHY GOD WHY?! I loved the antique cars! Sure, they replaced it with The Italian Job ride, which was awesome, but . . . antique cars. So fun.
Speaking of cars, we rode the bumper cars and they yelled at you if you didn't all go the same direction. What's that about? What fun are bumper cars if they're not flying around all wily-nily? Also, I don't know how this happened, but when we left the bumper car track, one of my feet was all black. I had to go to the bathroom to wash my foot off and let me tell you, you've never lived until you've cleaned off your foot in a public restroom. This one lady gave me a dirty look, but I refuse to be judged by someone wearing hot pink Crocs.
OH! Then! We went on this log water ride and it didn't look like everyone was getting THAT wet. I am wary of water rides because this one time? We went to Kings Island and I went on White Water Canyon and walked around for the rest of the day soaking wet with my shorts chafing. And then we went to Cracker Barrel and I was freezing but no one cared because, in my dad's words, they told me not to go on that damn water ride. Also, I didn't want to get my stuff wet. I'm very protective of my stuff. So, while we were in line, we tried to figure out the physics of the ride. Like, should the weight be in the back? The middle? Spread out? I wasn't paying much attention because physics = hard, and I ended up sitting in the very front. Which . . . bad idea. Not only did my pants end up soaking wet, but my thighs were all sore because I had been using them to clutch the wood thingie in front of me. Heh. Um, yeah. Luckily, my pants dried really quickly and were black so it didn't even look like I'd peed myself. I hardly ever do that anymore, anyway.
Oh, I took some pictures, too.
This was some clever graffiti in line for Top Gun. We totally rode into the danger zone.
This kid was throwing a monster temper tantrum. I have never seen anything like it. So I took a picture. I'm thinking that by taking pictures I bought myself some really bad karma and my kids will make this kid look like an angel.
I saw this sign in line for The Italian Job and started giggling until someone explained that it meant "No Chickens" and not, as I was thinking, "No Cocks." Who knew?
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