Heidi went home for the weekend and so I am left to my own devices, which Kat! seems to think will result in me doing the following until I have to go back to work on Tuesday: drink wine, surf the Internets, watch The Office, read, and go to the pool and the gym and I would be all PSHAW whatever, my life is way more interesting than THAT but it's not so I will save my PSHAWs for another occasion.
Actually, though, we don't have any wine and based on the whole non-necessity buying plan, I can't go buy any. Don't worry about me, though, we have both beer and vodka in the apartment. Also, this 151 dark rum I got in Grand Cayman like three years ago that I'm sort of afraid to drink, because every time I have just a little bit of it I forget a large portion of the evening.
And since Abigail says I can't go buy any more books until I read the ones I have, I decided to go to the library and get books for free! So there! I beat* the system. Take THAT, system!
So, I went to the library and wandered around aimlessly for two hours because every time I go to the library I forget the name of each and every author and book I have ever wanted to read. I ended up with Kurt Vonnegut, Michael Chabon, and Jacob Braff and I only got that last one because he's Zach Braff's brother and I'm hoping funny is genetic. Anyway, Internets, this is the time when I need you to give me book recommendations.
ALSO! Did you know that you can get CDs from the library? OK, you did, everyone knows that. But I always forget. So I got some CDs so I can steal music for free and it's mostly legal. Right? Sure, why not. No one will know, especially if you all keep your mouths shut.
You guys know how I'm really lazy, right? And how I procrastinate a lot? If not, hi. My name is Jennie and I'm lazy and I procrastinate. Nice to meet you. I also say fuck a lot. And douchebag. That's enough. Remember how my coffeemaker broke? The really nice one my parents got me for Christmas? The one my mom and Heidi gave me so much shit about never exchanging? Well, Internets, I am here to tell you that IT HAS BEEN EXCHANGED. A special thanks to Heidi who boxed it up and said to me, "THERE! Now that it's in the box, you're one step closer to actually TAKING IT BACK." So that's done. Only took me eight months! That's good for me, you don't even know. Also, thank you to the lady at Walmart who allowed herself to be BAMBOOZLED because I TOTALLY DID NOT GET THE SAME MODEL I BROUGHT IN! OH SNAP!
The reason I finally took it back is because Heidi's coffeemaker broke, too, and it was either give up coffee or take a trip to Walmart. And I'm afraid no coffee would give me permanent Bitchface, so it was off to Walmart I went and if you understood just how much I hate Walmart you'd know what a big deal that is. I swear, Heidi and I have MURDERED so many household appliances. We have broken the following in our year and a half of living together: oven, freezer, dishwasher, toilet, garbage disposal (TWICE!), my old old coffeemaker, my old new coffeemaker, Heidi's coffeemaker. Wow, that looks like a lot when it's all listed like that. Oh, and also the chair in the living room, which someone broke (I don't remember who) and then Heidi's dad fixed it and then I broke it again and then my dad fixed it. And then I found five dollars.
Last night, Heidi and I just happened to be at the gym while The Office was on, so that's what we watched while we did the elliptical. Because if there is anything that could make me stay on the elliptical for 24 hours straight, it is this. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND! JOHN KRASINSKI AND THE SHINS ON ONE COVER! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!? My god, what is UP with all the caps lock in this post? I had a lot of caffeine today. Lots. Lots and lots and lots.
Anyway, at one point during the show, I tapped Heidi on the shoulder and motioned for her to take her earphones off:
Me: What happened to the flat tire part?
Heidi: What?
Me: You know? When Pam changes the flat tire?
And she kind of nodded like, "shut up, fool, I'm trying to watch this," but YOU GUYS they took a whole SCENE out of the episode like no one would notice but they weren't counting on the fact that I have seen every episode at least FIVE TIMES. NO LIE. You know, I was going to try and calculate how much of my life I've devoted to The Office but I feel the number would be so large that I would be forced to never watch the show again and seriously? That is like the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Oh, so I just looked on here and apparently NBC did that on purpose. They took out other scenes and added new ones. I KNEW that line about tucking penises wasn't in the original broadcast.
Oh man. Shut up, Jennie. I bet after all that nonsense you guys wish you'd encouraged me to quit my blog.
*oh my god, you guys, true story? when I first typed that, I spelled it "beet" instead of "beat" OH MY GOD my brain is broken!
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