Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Heidi and I often joke about how accident prone we both are. At any given time, one of us has at least a couple of bruises. Usually it's me. I think I hurt myself more often, but when Heidi hurts herself SHE HURTS HERSELF. Like last April? She was at a Reds game and after the game went running across the street, tripped over her flip flops or something, and fell face first and hit her chin on the curb. I was out of town, but I got a voicemail later that night from her and, because of all The Party in the background, pretty much all I could make out was, "BAX! BAAAAAX! I FELL DOWN! I FELL DOOOOOOOOWN!" I listened to it again, hung up and started laughing.

Person I Was With*: What was that?
Me: Heidi fell down? And hurt herself?
PIWW: Um. Do you need to call her back?
Me: Nah, she sounded drunk and happy, I think she's OK.

And since we both get hurt a lot, it leads to a lot of conversations like this:

Me: Ow.
Heidi: What happened?
Me: Nothing, I just stabbed myself in the lip with my car key.
Heidi: I would say that surprises me, but it totally doesn't.

And also this, while roasting marshmallows on Saturday:**

Heidi: Ooh, my marshmallow is done!
[flaming marshmallow melts too fast and falls off poker, onto Heidi's leg]
Me: Um, you're on fire.

See? We're so used to these accidents by now that not even Heidi SETTING HERSELF ON FIRE causes me to blink an eye. It's really only a matter of time before one of us drowns in the toilet, while the other one just stands there all, "um, you're totally drowning right now," and then walks away to make a PB&J sandwich.

So, yes, we both get hurt a lot. I'm sort of surprised that neither of us has blown up the apartment or set it on fire or accidentally blasted a hole in the wall. Although, on our first night living there I did throw a coaster at someone (drunk) and it dented the wall, but apart from all the appliances we've broken, that's the worst damage we've done. So far.

*no, I'm not telling you who, Internets, because I do like to have some secrets . . . mwaahaahaa!
**that's right MARSHMALLOWS!