papa don't preach

This morning, I got in my car and thought it smelled sort of musty. Then I said, "Haha, MUSTY," and then I started cackling and I'm sure if anyone saw me they thought, "oh dear lord, the girl who sings Oasis songs at full volume with all the windows open has finally gone off the deep end," but no. No, I haven't. This is all my dad's fault.

BECAUSE. He has all these sayings that have become deeply embedded in my brain after 25 years. Like musty. Say he's eating a delicious peanut butter cookie. Ooh, funny story about peanut butter cookies. This one time my mom made peanut butter cookies and, since she doesn't like peanut butter (crazy), she had my dad taste test them. He tried his best to pretend they were OK but I guess they were the most disgusting cookies ever made in the history of cookies. To make a long story short (HAHAHA!), the Crisco my mom used had gone bad. My mom's words, "it's not supposed to be brown?" Hee. To be fair, my mom is a really good cook. This was a one time thing. Except for the time she tried to make bagels, but that's a story for another day.

Anyway, so say my dad is eating a peanut butter cookie. And he finishes it. He might say something like, "that cookie tasted musty," and then you'd stare blankly at him because . . . what? And then he'd say, "I MUSTY have another."

Apparently these things have a way of seeping into your brain. Which is why anytime anyone says the word "phenomenon," I sing, "PHENOMENON do do dododo PHENOMENON do do do do," and I have NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME FROM. All I know is, I heard it at least once a day for a couple years, at least. Whatever. I still hear it. In my head. It haunts my dreams.

Then there is the relatively well-known saying, "bull in a china factory." I heard this one a lot. Go figure. I'd run into something, he's shake his head, say, "you're like a bull in a china factory," and I'd yell, "THAT MAKES NO SENSE!" because I thought he was saying a BOWL in a china factory, not a BULL and I was all, "What, do they not make bowls in China? That's crazy."

By far the weirdest saying he's passed along, however, is this one: BLEE BLY BLOW THREE IN A ROW POP-CORN! I mean, you really have to hear this one to get the full effect. It's sort of a song and sort of a chant. There is no describing it, really. I have no idea where it came from. Or what it means. Or why my dad says it all the time. But I just want you all to know, that if you're making popcorn and I walk by and say, "blee bly blow three in a row POPCORN!" it's not my fault. My dad broke my brain.