You guys, I don't want to brag, but you have never had as much fun as I have had in the past 24 hours. You just haven't. Yesterday morning, I left the cold and snow of Ohio, drove through the cold and snow of West Virginia and the cold and snow of Pennsylvania and then the cold and snow of West Virginia again and also some cold and snow of Maryland. I'm not gonna lie to you, for a while I didn't know what state I was in and when I saw the "Welcome to West Virginia" sign, I shouted, "but I thought I was already in West Virginia!" Stupid geography.
Anyway, did you know there are bears in Maryland? I didn't see any, but a sign told me to watch out for them. Because . . . BEARS!
I know you'll be surprised, but I got horribly horribly lost once I got into the city. And then I almost hit like 80 people with my cars. And then I tried to park my car and there were shenanigans because I suck at both driving and parallel parking. And after driving a million hours, I did not want to be in the car anymore so when I saw the Washington monument poking up into the sky like a giant wang, I have never been so happy to see an inappropriate monument in my life. True story.
OK, but once I got here? More fun than you've ever had. True story. Today will be more of the same. Again. Don't be jealous. One day you might have this much fun, too.
But I doubt it. Oh snap! Ha! Sorry.
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