this has a surprise ending*

Brace yourselves. This is going to be long and possibly unpleasant for those of you who were not there.

Now. Let me tell you about the best trip ever. Not only did I get to hang out in DC (which I have decided I am in love with, much to my mother's chagrin), but I got to meet the following people:

Kat!
Abigail!
Heather! Anne!
Heather B!
Mysterygirl! (who really deserves credit for all the exclamation point action the Internets has seen lately)

I left very, very early Friday morning. It was still dark. So dark. I drove and drove and drove and when I got to Maryland I saw this sign:

Oh. My. God. You guys, I almost pooped my pants. I had NO IDEA there were bears in Maryland. I was disappointed that I didn't see any, actually. But not too disappointed because soon I was in DC! And then lost. So very lost. At one point, I was totally driving around some parking lot type area with fences and crap that looked really, really official and I thought a soldier might jump out and arrest me. But Seth got me unlost speedy quick and thanks to him I am not still wandering the cold streets of DC, begging people to please PLEASE tell me how to get to 395. That night, Kat! served us the most delicious meal in all of creation. And we played UNO and there were pirate hooks and a ninja sword and I feel like I've talked about all this before, Internets, but I DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUN. You know what I like best about Kat!, Internets? She understands just how important alcohol is and I don't think my glass was empty the entire night. Kat! is my people.

The next day we did six miles worth of sightseeing and the very best part was when we walked up the steps at the Lincoln Memorial and stared at the reflection of the Washington Monument in the reflecting pool and Abigail! exclaimed, "OHHHHH! Reflecting pool! Now I get it!" My favorite thing about Abigail!, Internets, is that she gets SO EXCITED about everything. Like, during UNO . . . the whole Super Absorbency card? She would not let UNO off the hook for that. She was SO EXCITED about hating Super Absorbency and FOR GOOD REASON. Also, Seth was the one who created the "Super Absorbency" saying that was repeated the entire weekend, and I give him full credit for that, but I don't know if it would have stuck around if Abigail! had not taken it under her wing and let it grow like a tiny, tiny baby bird (I don't know).

Later that night, we all went to Rocket Bar. This bar has everything. Big Buck Hunter. PBR in cans. A bouncer who told me where the bathroom was after he saw me wandering around aimlessly. BOARD GAMES. And that night? Heather B! and Mysterygirl! I love that they weren't completely terrified that we kept yelling "SUPER ABSORBENCY" the whole night and neither one of them gave me funny looks for anything I said! It was awesome. I mean, even during my speech about how if the United States was the human body (stay with me), and if the body was lying on its side, DC would be the crotch (of the nation) and the Washington Memorial would be the wiener. This led to a discussion where something was said about Ohio and Georgia being the kidneys and Lake Michigan being the vas deferens, but Lake Michigan as the vas deferens was a different version of the US as the human body because . . . oh my god. You know what? I'm gonna stop there because I'm talking about vas deferens. AGAIN. Also, I don't remember a lot of it because most of the time when I'm talking? I'm not even listening to what I'm saying. And I think this all happened after Abigail! bought me a tequila shot so . . . you know. Enough said.

ALSO. We played Sorry! At a bar! And it was as fun as it sounds. Heather! Anne! kicked our asses. You know why? Karma. It's true. Internets, Heather! Anne! is the nicest person who ever existed. She kept telling people to send her back to start! Because it was their best move! AND SHE STILL WON! How? KARMA. Also, she shot so many turkeys during Big Buck Hunter time. She has a gift, it's true. I would also like to talk so much about Abigail! and Heather! Anne's rendition of the OK Go treadmill dance but . . . words don't do it justice. You had to see it in person. It was magic. I just know it.

When we went back home, Kat! made balloon animals (I know!) and then we tied one to a firecracker but we didn't set it off because A) we were inside and B) I think actually we forgot about it because C) oh, the drinking. We stayed up until six, because Heather! Anne's! flight was very, very early in the morning and we decided (notice I did not say Heather! Anne! decided) that it would be better for her to just stay up all night. So we all sat around talking about our families and boys and the difference between digital photos and Polaroids and who knows what else (I don't remember) but I had forgotten just how fun it could be to stay up all night for no raisin. I got cold and tired so I put my jacket on, stretched out on the floor, and listened to the conversation for a while. Before I fell asleep, Kat! crawled over to the iPod lying next to my head, asked what I wanted to hear, and when I said Oasis, she said she knew I was going to say that and the best part was, I KNEW she knew I was going to say that.

During the course of the trip, we even managed to squeeze in several meals at delicious restaurants, a partial viewing of Harry Potter, a total viewing of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and several episodes of Futurama. It was the greetest.

There was one bad thing about the trip, though. It's a horrible thing. I don't even like to think about it. It's really hard (that's what she said). But it's just so terrible and sad and I think I might cry. The worst thing about the trip is that it ended. Wah waaaaah!

*That was a trick to get you to read all the way to the end. If you skipped ahead, well . . . BRAVO, you tricky bastard.