landmark day

Whoohoo! My blog counter just hit 3000. How exciting. It seems like just yesterday that it hit 10.

Is it wrong to be so excited? I don't care if it is. It should be pretty apparent to anyone who reads this that I get abnormally excited about stupid things. Such as:

Getting a new pair of shoes (although, I think this is genetic).

Getting a new book (nerd alert).

Today I bought a shirt from Target, and it has a picture of Ralph Wiggum on it. Ralph is sticking his finger up his nose and and there's a little dialogue bubble that says "I'm special." When I saw it, I said loudly, "Oh, no WAY," and I think I scared the little, old lady who was shopping next to me.

Getting e-mail that isn't SPAM.

The episodes of Mad TV when there are Stuart clips.

My cell phone ringing.

A good song coming on the radio, but I think it's normal to get excited about this since radio stations tend to play absolute crap.

The new Bridget Jones movie trailer (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

Finding a roll of film and having no idea what's on it.

My reason for being abnormally excited at the moment is that I get to see a crapload of my best friends tomorrow. I haven't seen most of them for over a month. I know that doesn't sound like a really long time, but for the past four years we've all seen each other almost every day. Other than winter/summer breaks and all, but those don't count. It's a hard transition and I wish we didn't have to do it, but if we can manage to meet up a couple times a year (or more, hopefully) I guess I'll be OK with it.

Until I buy my own tropical island and we all move there, of course.

how rude

Is it absolutely necessary for my dog to lick her ass while she's lying on my bed?

Really, Ripley, have a little consideration.

hoocha hoocha hoocha, lobster

Tonight was a fun CPR class. First, we practiced the Heimlich (I have no idea how to spell that) manuever, which always reminds me of that Eddie Izzard bit. You know, "I've just invented a manooooooover . . . a fist, a hand, hoocha hoocha hoocha, lobster."

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sorry, but you really should go out and rent Eddie Izzard's comedy specials. Better yet, just buy them.

Next we practiced it on infant dummies. They were really freaky looking. If I ever saw a baby that looked like that and it was choking, I'd probably run away screaming. I hope I never have to save a choking baby. It's not very pleasant. Basically you pound on the baby's back while kind of holding it upside down on your arm, then you turn it over and poke it in the chest a couple of times.

Then the real fun started. We pulled out the child and adult dummies. The children looked ok (not quite as freaky as the babies) but the adults had no arms and no legs. And their noses and mouths popped out of the heads for easier cleaning, so when we pulled the torsos out of the bin they had big, gaping holes in their faces. I hope if I ever have to do CPR on someone they don't have legs or arms (and that their mouths pop out), because that's the only way I know how to do it.

Actually, I hope I never have to do it period, because the prof told us tonight that breathing into the victim's body could cause them to throw up IN YOUR MOUTH.

Awesome.

guilty pleasures

I just read this week's Entertainment Weekly and they had a list of 16 Guilty Pleasures. I agreed with some of them. Well, only 4 of them. Those were Kevin Costner (but only Field of Dreams!Costner, not Waterworld!Costner), Bronson Pinchot (c'mon, who doesn't love Balki Bartokomous), 1980s James Spader (specifically in Pretty in Pink), and Flowers in the Attic, but really V.C. Andrews as a whole is a guilty pleasure of mine. I used to read all those books in junior high. They're so bad.

If it were my list I would have added a few others. These may just be my guilty pleasures, though.

Grease. I love that movie. It's so cheesy, but I'll watch it whenever it's on TV. And I own it. I think part of the reason I love it so much is because when I was little I'd watch it with my mom and sister. My mom had the soundtrack (on a record, of all things) and we'd play it while we were cleaning or something and sing along. Even more pathetic? Grease 2. Now, Grease may be cheesy, but the sequel is just blindingly awful. Yet I watch it when it's on TV. Every. Single. Time.

People magazine. It's like one step up from National Enquirer. I feel kind of guilty when I look at the pictures of startled celebs, but the guilt never lasts long because there's always another equally juicy picture on the next page.

Lifetime movies. Talk about a guilty pleasure. It doesn't get much better than My Husband is Gay and my Daughter is on Drugs plus my Boss Raped Me and also I'm Being Stalked by a Psychotic Killer and I'm Having an Affair with the 15-year-old Boy Next Door: the Judy McMann Story.

And Chick Lit is in the same boat. You know the books. Heroine is looking for love, trying to lose weight, quitting a bad job and getting a new, exciting one, moving from London to New York City, moving from New York City to London, or all of the above. Then she chases after a man and ends up with the one she thought was all wrong for her. Those books are addicting, even if they are pretty much all the same. I'm not including Bridget Jones's Diary in this category, although it has a lot of the same elements. Mostly because it came first (well, it was the first one I read) and it is a classic. Ok, it's not a classic, but it is based on a classic (Pride and Prejudice) AND it was made into a movie.

That new Ashlee Simpson song. I want to hate it. I tried to hate it. I changed the station whenever it came on, but it still got to me. Little Miss Ashlee Double E, No Y won me over. Now if the song comes on I just turn up the volume and make sure all the windows are up.

I don't know if this counts, but sometimes when I can't sleep I'll turn on Fox News, and, it never fails, I always end up getting riled up (ha, what a great phrase) because of something Bill O'Reilly or some other jackass says and I want to fight with someone but I can't because it's 3 AM and all the sane people are sleeping. I think I watch it to make sure I can still get angry about things I think are wrong, because that means I still care.

Finally, it's a guarantee that I'll watch pretty much any late-night dating show. Elimidate, Blind Date, The Fifth Wheel, they're all fascinating. I can't imagine why anyone goes on those shows. Those are total D-level reality shows. If you're misguided enough to think that being on a reality show is going to make you famous, at least go on something like Survivor that's on when most people are awake.

moving on up

Psych is in a new home. My mom found my old fishbowl buried in a closet and I just put him in it. He's still kind of freaking out a little. He almost gave me a heart attack when I tried to catch him with the net. He was flipping around so much that I thought he was going to fly out of the bowl. He didn't, though, or this would be a much different story.

I was looking for this particular fishbowl the other day when I decided to buy a fish, but I couldn't remember where it was. I haven't used it since freshman year when I was bored one night and went to Meijer. I bought the bowl and a little treasure chest for the fish to frolick in. I bought two goldfish, named them Skippy and Scuba Steve and they lived happily ever after. For like a week. I came back from class one day and found Skippy floating at the top of the bowl, and Scuba Steve had taken a few bites out of him. Scuba Steve, damn you! Hee. Scuba Steve, if I remember correctly, didn't live much longer. Maybe he caught Skippy's disease because he resorted to cannibalism. I don't think I was too disappointed when the fish died, because they'd only cost like a dollar each. Mostly, though, because winter break was coming up and I really had no idea how I was going to transport them home.

Right now Psych is swimming rapidly from one end of the bowl to the other, like he can't believe there's so much room. He hasn't really paid too much attention to the treasure chest, though, but I'm not sure he'd fit in it anyway.

I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and find him stuck in it or dead or something.

It's OK, though. He's still under warranty.

I'm sorry I've been dedicating so many posts to my fish. I promise to stop soon.

one fish, two fish, dead fish, new fish

My fish is still alive. I've decided to name him Psych, because he'll stop moving altogether but when I go over to the bowl he'll swim around like crazy and then stare at me like, "Psych! You thought I was dead, but I'm totally not!"

Maybe now that he has a name, he'll stick around for a while.

In the meantime, my sister's fish (also unnamed . . . Fish Doe?) died. Instead of flowers, the family asks that you send a donation to Superpets so that other fish may live and prosper. We're going later to get her a new fish, although we're sure that none can fill the empty space in her heart.

I just got an e-mail from Bill Clinton. Seriously. Ok, really it was because I get newsletters from John Kerry's website and today Bill Clinton wrote it. I watched his speech from the DNC last night on C-Span (it was on at 3 AM for some reason, or maybe they were just showing it again). It was a good speech, I thought. It's nice to watch a president speak who doesn't stumble over his words, or worse, mispronounce them or make up his own.

I'm a little nervous to see what's going to happen as the campaign goes on. It seems like the majority of people already know who they're voting for, and they feel very strongly about it either way. I should know, I'm one of them. I, for one, literally get sick to my stomach at the thought of Bush being re-elected. It's hard to tell why I feel so strongly about this presidential election, when I honestly haven't cared in the past. Maybe it's because it's the first presidential election where I get to vote. Maybe it's because of what happened in the last presidential election, and all the shit that happened as a result. Everything just feels so tense right now.

Anyway, here's an article I got from snarky malarkey. It's pretty interesting, and it sums up how I feel when I hear people say they're voting for Bush.

is it possible to do CPR on a fish?

I think my fish may be on his last leg (so to speak). He's kind of floating around the top of the bowl, and every now and then he'll start to drift and float sideways, then he'll swim around a bit. I've killed enough fish to know that isn't a good sign. The guy at Superpets said if my fish died within two weeks of getting it, I can get a new one for free. The downside is I have to carry my dead fish into the store with me, along with a water sample, so they can tell me why they think he died. I keep imagining this room in the back of the store where they have tiny scalpels and tiny refridgerators so they can perform tiny autopsies. I don't know why my fish is dying. I gave him a clean bowl and I feed him twice a day like his food container says to. Is this because I didn't give him a name?

I had my second CPR class tonight, but unfortunately we didn't get to practice on dummies. The prof is saving that til Wednesday. When I took the class in high school, we named the dummy Alice. But it wasn't a whole dummy. She didn't have legs. Basically she was a head and a torso. Poor Alice. I hope these dummies have whole bodies. It's bad enough that they have serious injuries, can't we at least give them legs?

So far this class is a lot different that the one I had in high school. Mostly because we've taken actual notes. We never really did that in the other class. We just practiced on the dummies and watched old episodes of Rescue 911 with William Shatner. One day she taught us a relaxation technique, which I really think was just an excuse for her not to have to teach and for us to take half-hour naps.

extreme makeover

I changed my blog again, for like the 5th time in the past two days. I just didn't want to use the standard Blogger template anymore, so I got this one from Blogskins. So far I like it, although I just finished messing around with it about 10 minutes ago. The only thing that still bothers me is that I couldn't get Blogger's comments to work on it, so I'm using comments from another server. Not a big deal, I guess, but now all the comments people have left in the past are gone.

Maybe I should stop playing with it and leave it like this for a while. I think I will. I'm pretty happy with it. It's simple, but it's still different enough.

Me gusta.

i'm so glad i'm easily amused

I just put bubble wrap (not regular bubble wrap, but like, bubble wrap with ginormous bubbles) on the kitchen floor and stomped on it. It sounded like a popcorn popper on crack. My dog got mad and barked like crazy, then ran away to get her Spongebob toy.

So far, that has been the highlight of my day.

My fish still doesn't have a name. I'm afraid it's going to end up just being called "Fish" and I don't want that. That's just sad. It's like when my grandparents named their pug, "Pug."

at least Dawn of the Dead had zombies

I just watched what was quite possible the worst movie I've ever seen. And that's including Juwanna Mann and The Fast and the Furious. And anyone who has seen those movies knows how bad they are.

So, FYI, don't watch Cabin Fever. It's awful. Here's the plot: five college kids go to a cabin in the woods, set a weird guy with a disease on fire who then dies in their water supply, causing them to get sick and, as a result, die disgusting, horrible, not-even-that-creative deaths. There. I just saved you two hours.

Naming Nemo

I just bought a fish. It's a red Betta and it's swimming in its little bowl right now. He's very fiesty.

I haven't named him yet. I know he's a him, though.

I'm waiting for inspiration to hit. But if anyone has any suggestions, I'd be oh so grateful.

I'm kind of afraid this is how it will be when I have kids. I won't know what to name them so I'll just call them "baby" or "it" until they're like 5 and can pick out their own names.

party of one, your drama is ready

I've noticed that I've started checking blogs as obsessively as I check away messages on AIM. I think the internet brings out hidden stalker qualities.

I've come to the conclusion that my sister is a drama queen. I'm hoping that she grows out of it, but having known a few drama queens over the years I'm not holding my breath.

Drama queen status can only be reached after years of hard work. Perpetuating non-existent drama takes a lot of effort. First, Drama Queen has to make up a reason to be mad at someone or blow something else out of proportion. Either option works, because Drama Queen knows how to work with limited resources.

Then, Drama Queen has to use all of her energy to become mad at the person who has "wronged" her. You'll know if Drama Queen is mad at you. The signs are obvious. You might get the silent treatment. That's probably the most often used form of punishment that a Drama Queen uses. You ask Drama Queen a question and she'll continue whatever she was doing without even acknowledging your presence.

If Drama Queen is really mad, she'll make a great showing that she's mad. She'll huff. She'll puff. She'll throw things. She'll slam things. Even if you're not the one she's angry with, prepare to deal with the aftermath. She'll take her anger out on any living thing around her.

Finally, Drama Queen will badmouth you. To everyone. Her mother, your mother, mutual friends, strangers on the street, pets, trees, it doesn't matter to Drama Queen that her reasons for being mad are moronic.

Luckily, in any family or group of friends, everyone knows who the Drama Queen is. They're easy to spot, especially when this kind of behavior happens often. So whatever Drama Queen says about you, it won't matter. Your friends and their friends will know what's really going on.

Drama Queen is having a bad day, and you just happened to be the first one she saw.

So, take a deep breath, smile, and try to wade through the bullshit without getting any on your jeans. Those stains are hell to get out.

auntie yoyo

The main character in the book I'm reading is named Yolanda, and her nieces and nephews all call her Auntie Yoyo.

Up until I was in 4th grade, I called my Aunt Karen Doo Pooh. I'd called her that since I started talking. I also called airplanes "airpeeps" and my teddy bear "dabbledoo." But the Doo Pooh thing actually made sense. When my aunt was younger, she really liked Winnie the Pooh, so everyone called her Pooh. When I was born, she was only 14 so she still had the nickname. Naturally I picked up on this. I'm not sure where the Doo came from. Maybe that was my name for "bear" since I called my teddy bear "dabbledoo."

Or maybe I was just a weird kid. But that's pretty much a given.

I hope I have a fun aunt nickname. Most of my nicknames now are some variation of my last name. Bax, Baxlala, Bizzax, Lala. I wonder if these names will stick with me if (let's be optimistic, shall we, and say WHEN) I get married.

I think Auntie Lala has a nice ring to it.

ok, graham norton? more paul rudd, less sharon stone, ok?

I'm watching The Graham Norton Effect, and I just have one thing to say:

Shut up, Sharon Stone. Shut. Up.

I mean, really. No one thinks you're cool anymore. Basic Instinct was like 500 years ago. You're old and you look desperate.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

for all you scrubs fans . . .

I found out about this website a couple days ago, and I'm addicted to reading it now.  It's Zach Braff's Blog.  For those of you thinking, "who the hell is Zach Braff?" first of all, shame on you for not knowing. 

Zach Braff plays J.D. on Scrubs, and he's the writer, director, and star of the movie Garden State (also? he's adorable and I love him).  I saw a preview for Garden State before Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I was instantly excited to see it.  It doesn't come out in wide release until August 6th, but until then you can head on over to the website and watch the trailer and teaser trailer over and over like I did. 

you can vote for whoever you want, but i don't want to hear about it

I just got back from my first Red Cross First Aid and CPR class at Sinclair.  I took the class sophomore year of high school, but that was about six years ago so it's definitely time to renew the certification.  At the beginning of class, the prof was talking about how we were all going to have to know exactly what we were doing, first aid-wise, if we wanted to pass his class and get certified.  Then he started talking about how if he's bleeding or dying, he wants us to know our stuff so we can save his life.  And then he said the best thing ever, and I tried my hardest not to laugh because no one else thought it was funny.  He said, "If you're gonna put your hands on me, you'd better be damn sure you know what you're doing."

Later, we watched a totally cheesy Red Cross video.  This dad and his daughter (Jenny, haha) are riding bikes (wearing helmets, of course) on the sidewalk.  Meanwhile, a "businesswoman" is driving down the street, talking on a car phone (yes, a car phone, not a cell phone, the thing was huge and plugged into her cigarette lighter) and writing down information in a notebook.  You can see what's going to happen, but they drag this out for like five minutes.  Finally, Jenny and her dad get hit by the woman's car.  It's awesome, and I'm a little ashamed to admit that I laughed out loud.  The bikes go flying through the air, and then they do a close-up on Jenny's lone, pink streamer lying in the middle of the road. 

I don't remember if Jenny and her dad live, but for like 10 minutes the neighbors just stand around, staring at their prone bodies in the middle of the road while the woman who hit them screams hysterically and acts like a moron. 

Speaking of children being hit by cars (nice segue, huh?) as I was driving to Sinclair, I noticed some kids standing at the crosswalk at a busy intersection.  They were all holding big signs and waving them around, so I assumed they were having a car wash or something.  No. 

To my absolute horror, the signs said things like "Vote Bush!" and "Four more years!"

What in god's name is wrong with those children?  They looked like they were in third grade, which is the only thing that stopped me from yelling something mean or obscene at them.  Did their parents put them up to that?  What third-grader gives a shit about who the president is?  They can't even vote.  It's pretty irresponsible of the parents to let their kids stand out there.  People who are anti-Bush are pretty outspoken; I can just imagine one of them stopping their car and yelling at the kids to stop advertising for something they don't understand, and the kids walking down the street crying and dragging their sad, little signs behind them.

Is it wrong that that image made me smile? 

Maybethe kids were just bored and this is something they're going to do every day.  I have to wonder, do they really think they're going to influence someone's vote by standing out in the middle of the street waving signs around?  They must, because why else would they stand out there?  I think it's highly unlikely that someone is going to see them and think, "Wow, I didn't realize Bush was so popular with third-graders, maybe I should give him another chance."  More likely they'll be annoyed with the kids for distracting drivers and they'll entertain thoughts of vehicular homocide. 

Maybe that's just me, though. 

 

Noooooooooooo

This is no good.  It was bad enough that Scrubs put Tara Skankolicious Reid on their show for much longer than was necessary, but now?  Heather Graham.  No.  No, that's just horrible.  Didn't any of them see The Spy Who Shagged Me?  She's AWFUL.  Truly awful.  She has no timing and looks confused all the time.  She's a barbie doll. 

Scrubs is one of my favorite shows, but now . . . I think we're going to have to take a break. 

my car and i are fighting

My car is making a weird noise. But only when it's in reverse. And only some of the time.

Saturday night I took my sister to see Mean Girls at the cheap theater in Dayton, which was a mistake. First of all, it was Saturday night and the theater was packed. And, going against every Holy Theater Law, they didn't show previews before the movie. A movie without previews is like a night without stars! Or peanut butter without jelly. Well, actually, I like peanut butter without jelly sometimes, so it's more like jelly without peanut butter! Yeah!

Anyway, since the movie was at the cheap theater, there were a lot of people who didn't really care if they missed bits of the movie because they wanted to socialize. At one point, some woman stood in the back of the theater and yelled "Scooter!" for about 5 minutes until some guy came running up the aisle. Because just standing in one place, yelling, and disturbing the entire theater is a much better option than having to walk all the way to the front of the theater, whispering your friend's name and only disturbing a few people.

I should have known better. This is the same theater where I once got so annoyed at this girl on her cell phone, who, when shushed by someone behind me, responded with 'shh, yourself,' that I leaned forward and told her to shut up and hang up her fucking phone.

The movie ended and we practically ran out of the theater, dodging those little kids who seem to live in the theater for the sole purpose of spinning in circles and running into people, making them spill their popcorn and drop-kick the kid across the lobby. I tried to start my car and . . . nothing. Not even that rrr-rrr noise a car will usually make when it won't start. It just sat there, not doing anything. There were no sirens or blinking lights to tell me what was wrong, like there would be if I designed cars. My parents were hours away visiting friends, so I called my uncle and he offered to come get my sister and me (thanks again, Uncle John!). Of course, about 30 seconds (if that) after I hung up with him, my car started. Granted, it felt like it would stall again at any minute and it was making a strange rattling noise, but now I felt like a dumbass, or one of those ditzy girls who suddenly realizes her car won't start because she's out of gas or she's turning the key the wrong direction.

When my uncle got there, he couldn't find anything wrong with the car, so he followed me home. When my dad got home the next day, he played around with the car, put more transmission fluid in it, and then drove it around a little. That's when we noticed the weird, rattly noise it makes when it's in reverse. My dad thinks it's the transmission, which would suck anyway because transmissions are freaking expensive, but which sucks doubly because we had the transmission completely rebuilt about a year ago.

My old car was a 1985 Buick Skylark. Good old Big Blue. That thing was a tank. I could have run full speed into a tree and not even dented the thing. Not that I ever tested that, though. That car never broke down. I mean, yeah, eventually it got to the point where starting it got a little difficult. It was pretty much start, stall, start, stall, start, accelerate, just kidding, stall, etc, until it would finally start and stay and I could drive away and be fine. I mean, sure, it might have not started a couple times, but at least it had the good grace to do it in the safety and comfort of my own driveway. It never stranded me anywhere, except for that one time, but that was my fault because I locked the keys in the trunk.

This car has stranded me twice now. And back when the transmission went bye-bye, it stalled in the middle of an intersection. Twice. On two separate occassions. And people are mean! Only one car stopped and asked if I needed help; the rest just honked at me like I was sitting there for my own enjoyment. Jerks.

Anyway. That's why my car and I are fighting. Maybe he's just jealous because I never gave him a name.

frat pack

I did some research (and by research I mean I typed "frat pack" into Google) and found an article about the Frat Pack.

It's here: Leaders of the Pack.

They also have a chart so you can see which movies they've been in together.

Enjoy

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Oh man. My stomach does not feel right at all. It's all
gurgly with a slight tinge of butterflies. I'm sure it's because
of the coffee. Or the burrito at Chipotle. Or the
Coke.

And I'm sure the hysterical laughter didn't help, but it was worth it. Anchorman was hilarious even though it was pretty plotless. It didn't matter, though, it's like they just set Will Ferrell free and let him do whatever he wanted which resulted in the funny.

I loved that there were cameos from Luke Wilson (mmm), Ben Stiller
(mmm), Vince Vaughn (you guessed it, mmm), Tim Robbins (no mmm because
of crazy perm), and Jack Black (no mmm, but still, very funny).

I forget where I read this, but that group is being called The Frat Pack. I think they said it consisted of Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Luke and Owen Wilson, and, I think, Jack Black. Because they all show up in each other's movies, see? They're BFF.

I love it. I'd much rather pay to see one of their movies than the newest Action!VinDiesel/Arnold/Jerry Bruckheimer piece of shit.
The Frat Pack movies may not have much of a plot, but they don't take
themselves too seriously and they make up for it with stupid
humor.

And in the end, isn't that all that matters?

PS: I was just looking at filmographies on IMDB
and Luke and Owen Wilson played Wilbur and Orville Wright in Around the
World in 80 Days. Heh. I never would have known that
because I never would have watched that movie. Now, I'm
tempted.

Also? Has anyone seen Envy?

no more posting when buzzing from coffee

I just had three cups of coffee in the span of 30 minutes.

I normally don't drink any. I mean, I'll occasionally go to
Starbucks and get a "coffee drink" but that doesn't really count, you
know?

Right now I'm reeeeeally really jittery. I feel like I need to
run around the block a few times. I can't even type! I've
had to delete half of this entry and try again because my brain is
moving like this

"i'msupposedtobeatChipotleinanhourbutihaven'tputmycontactsinand
myhairisstillkindofwetandidon'thaveanypantsonuh-ohwherearemyclean
jeansican'tfindthemanywhereISTHEREMORECOFFEE?"

Yeah. It's not good. I'm guessing I'll come down from the
caffeine high in about an hour and I'll just pass out. It will
look like I ran into a wall and just fell down to people who see
this. Except I won't get off of the floor. Because I will
be asleep. Please don't wake me. I'll be tired.

coming soon to VH2

I Love the 90s has been on all week, and while I'm not as addicted to it as I was to I Love the 80s, I still find myself watching the episodes I've already seen. Of course, the reason for this could be because VH1 has been playing nothing BUT I Love the 90s for the past week.

I'm thinking VH1 should just get another channel and call it the "I Love the Decades" channel. They could show the series they already have: I Love the 70s, I Love the 80s, I Love the 80s Strikes Back, and I Love the 90s. That's forty hours of television right there.

But, they could do more. They could have I Love the 70s: Back to Woodstock. Or, I Love the 80s: Return of the Acid Wash. And, I Love the 90s: Hit Me Baby One More Time.

They wouldn't stop there, oh no. They could fuse their "I Love the . . . " shows with all of their other shows. Soon, we'd be able to watch VH1 Goes Inside: I Love the 90s, 80s, 70s (etc).

The Fabulous Life of Hal Sparks.

Behind the Nostalgia: 1982.

Best Week Ever: February 3rd, 1974.

Driven: Michael Ian Black.

Ok, I'll stop with that. But just picture it . . . a channel completely devoted to the past. And to talking about how to remember the past. And to being funny. All at the same time.

It'd be magical.

I'd watch it.

are you annoyed yet?

Look what

I can do

1. with
   
2. Blogger
   

• now

i'm moving to norway. sweet, sweet norway

Country's rated higher than the U.S. in the UN's Human Development Report: Norway, Sweden, Australia, Canada, Netherlands, Belgium, and Iceland.

my drug of choice

I went to Half-Price Books today. I love that store. I could spend hours in that store. I probably have spent hours in that store. I got four books for $16. If I'd gone to Barnes & Noble, or Borders, I could have gotten, let's see, um, ONE book for $16. And three of the books were only $3 each! Even if they suck, who cares?

My parents were making fun of me because one of the books is about Lucy, "the oldest, best-preserved skeleton of any erect-walking human ancestor ever found." I don't care, though. I can't wait to read it, and it has pictures. Color pictures.

That store is perfect. The concept is brilliant, because you hook people in by offering to buy their books and then they decide to look around and they find a book about Lucy and spend all the money they just got.

That's what I do anyway. When I can manage to part with my books, that is. My books are like my babies. Once the roof of our house leaked and it ruined a whole bunch of stuff, but I was only worried about the books in my room that had been ruined. It only amounted to about $30 worth of books, but it was a very trying part of my life.

but where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Whatever happened to Fastball?

Heh

From snarky malarkey: Hello, God? It's me, Dubya.

where's waldo? who gives a shit?

What was up with Blogger being down last night when I wanted to post? It was very rude.

Yesterday was a landmark day in the kitchen. I successfully baked a loaf of banana bread. It smells amazing, but I haven't eaten any of it yet. Honestly, I'm happy enough that it turned out right, I don't care if I eat any of it.

Last night I watched I Love the 90s (of course) and I have to say, I think 1993 was the best episode yet. Maybe it's just because as the series progresses, I remember more, because I was only eight in 1990 and I don't think I was paying much attention to pop culture at the time. Aside from slap bracelets.

I think the reason I liked 93 the best is because there were SO many things from that year that I liked. Jurassic Park? Loved it. The Fugitive? Still love it. Crystal Pepsi? I don't remember if I loved it, but I do remember drinking a lot of it with my friend at her house one day.

I also loved how they'd put little Waldos in the clips they were showing. But I always thought Where's Waldo came out before 93. We found one of my old Where's Waldo books and the copyright year was 1987, so I think I Love the 90s was fudging a little bit. When I worked at the library, the Where's Waldo books were the most popular books on the Children's Lit side of the library. I mean, kids would get violent over these books. I always thought it was funny that they were the most popular, because, you know, there are no actual WORDS in those books.

By far my favorite part of 93 was the bit about The X-Files. I was only 11 when that show started, but I was obsessed with it. Ob. Sessed. Once again proving what a giant nerd I am. Thank you, Vh1.

But come on, even without all that stuff, 1993 was the year of the Tap-dancing Bee Girl. It doesn't get much better than that.

is it possum or opossum? nature's great mystery

Operation Chipmunk is turning into Operation Every Small Animal in the Neighborhood. So far, we've caught the following: six chipmunks, two squirrels, a bird, and as of this morning, a baby possum.

The chipmunks we took to a nature reserve, and the squirrels and bird we just let go. The possum was different. First of all, we caught it this morning which is a weird time of day for a possum to be out. It wasn't hissing or anything, like I was expecting, and it really didn't move all that much. Since it was acting so strangely, and we didn't want our dog getting ahold of it, I took it to the reserve where we'd been taking the chipmunks. When I opened the cage, he just kind of sauntered out like he didn't have a care in the world. I was half expecting it to turn around and latch onto my face or something, but it didn't seem at all upset that it had spent the better part of the day stuck in a small cage.

I just set the trap back up and I'm just waiting to go back out there and find some new animal in it.

Earlier, I was outside and just happened to glance at the bird feeder. I was surprised to see a squirrel hanging from it, upside-down, trying to reach its hands in the holes along the side to get some of the seeds. It was working until the squirrel lost its footing and fell on the ground.

I'm beginning to think the animals around here are rather strange. Or they're just really stupid. I don't really care either way, because it's entertaining as hell.

puppies!

My aunt's yellow lab, Rica, had puppies today. I went and saw her, and watched one of them being born. I know the miracle of life is supposed to be beautiful, yadda yadda yadda, but, man, when Rica ate the afterbirth I almost puked.

Just, as I imagine, you're trying not to do right now. Sorry.

The puppies are cute, though. That's kind of pointless to say. What puppies aren't cute? She'd had 10 yellow puppies when I left my aunt's, and she might have had more by now. I'm hoping she has at least one chocolate or black one, just because it'll look really funny to see just a spot of dark in all that yellow. Next time I visit, I'm going to take the digital camera so I can post some pictures and everyone can go "awwwww." It'll be fun. Like a game.

here we go again

Just when I think I can't get any more disgusted with Pres. Bush . . .

That article makes me sick to my stomach.

don't trust grandma

I think something is wrong with my computer monitor. It looks like there are waves beneath the images on the screen. Right now, it looks like my words are kind of stretching and contracting. It's very minimal, but still, I think if I stare at it long enough I'm either going to slip into a trance or throw up.

Yesterday I was watching this urban legend show that was on TLC or Discovery or something. I only really remember one of the myths they debunked, but it was a good one. Actually, I don't remember if it was true or not, but it doesn't matter.

In the example they used, a little old lady started following a young woman around a grocery store. Finally, the young woman, who I'm going to call Bebe, asks the little old lady, who I will call Wanda, if there's something she can help her with. Wanda proceeds to tell Bebe that Bebe looks just like her granddaughter, who, sadly, had died two weeks before. Obviously, Bebe feels oh-so-sorry for Wanda and the two have a long conversation. At some point Wanda tells Bebe to call her "Granny." Since Bebe is weird and a moron, she agrees.

The two go through the check out, and Wanda goes first. Wanda loads up her cart and leaves, yelling "Bye, Bebe!" and Bebe yells, "Bye Granny!"

Then the cashier rings up Bebe's groceries and tell her the total comes to something like three hundred dollars. Bebe, realizing that she is being charged for Wanda's groceries, runs out of the store, but even though Wanda is a little old lady, she's already booked it out of the parking lot.

Apparently, before picking Bebe as her mark, Wanda told the cashier that she was meeting her granddaughter and that her granddaughter would be paying.

It's a pretty awesome scam, because people trust little old ladies. Well, people who didn't watch that urban legend show, anyway.

I'm glad I saw it. If any little old ladies ever approach me in the grocery store, I'm going to knock them over and run away.

Yahoo!Love

It's funny how it used to be that you should never get too personal with people you meet online. You could never be too sure if the person you were talking to was who they said they were, or if they were some scary, 60-year-old hermit with chains in their basement.

Now there are like 50 different online dating services. I always wonder how often they work out, aside from the couples they put in their TV commercials.

I only have one experience with the whole online dating thing, and it's not even mine. My friend L put an ad on Yahoo!Dating as a joke, and eventually some guy, S, responded. They emailed back and forth for a while and found out they had similar interests and lived in the same area (when L was home from college), but I don't know if they ever really planned on meeting.

One night L and her friend went to a bar in her hometown. They started joking with some guy who was wearing a referee shirt, mostly making fun of him for wearing a shirt like that at a bar. Ref Shirt's friend came back from the bathroom or something and started talking to L. When he found out her name, he kept asking things like "you're from City? and you play basketball? and you go to Wittenberg?" until L started to get freaked out, thinking he was a stalker or something.

Can you see where this was going? He wasn't a stalker. Oh, no. He was S, the guy she'd met through Yahoo, the guy she'd been corresponding with through email. They hit it off and started dating.

L is always embarrassed when someone tells this story, because they met online, but I think it's amazing. I always get chills when I hear it. Maybe one day they can be the poster children of Yahoo!Online Dating.

Oh yeah, and they're getting married next summer.

ok, all birds and squirrels stay OUT of the chipmunk cage

I think Operation Chipmunk has hit a snag. Yesterday we caught a bird. Today, when I went out to the trap, I noticed that the trap had actually moved. Probably because what was inside was so huge it could move the trap by just shifting around in it. That was no chipmunk. No, it was a squirrel. Probably the same squirrel that knocks down my mom's bird feeder every day. So, while he is a menace to the neighborhood, I let him out. He looked pretty damn freaked.

The weird thing is, my sister had gone out to look at the trap earlier and she called my and told him it was a raccoon. Now, maybe I'm wrong, but the last time I checked a raccoon looked NOTHING like a squirrel. Plus, I'd like to see a damn raccoon fit in this tiny cage that's made for a chipmunk.

johnnies b. good

Operation Chipmunk hit a snag earlier when a bird got trapped instead of a chipmunk. Whoops. Do birds like peanut butter?

Johns Kerry and Edwards were at a rally in Dayton this afternoon. Apparently one of their campaign songs is Johnny B. Goode. I kept picturing John Kerry with a guitar doing that step-dance-thingie that Michael J. Fox does in Back to the Future.

I bet it would help his campaign if he did that at his rallies.

I think I'll write him a letter.

Operation Chipmunk: Search and Rescue

Operation Chipmunk is in full effect. Well, ok, so we've only caught and released two chipmunks, but still that was two in less than 24 hours, so I'd say we're doing pretty well.

I changed my template again. Mostly because for some reason the old one was acting all funky and putting things in weird places, so I had to mess with it. And I figured if I was gonna mess with it, I might as well change everything while I was at it. Plus I was bored.

I'm hoping we catch another chipmunk soon, so I can drive it up to the reserve so it can find it's family. Assuming, of course, that it's related to the two chipmunks we already released there.

I'm sure even if they're not related, they're still friends.

Alvin, Simon, Theodore!

My dad is obsessed with catching chipmunks. It all started because a chipmunk (several chipmunks?) dug a bunch of holes under the garage. My dad joked that the chipmunk is building a condo complex, because of the number of holes. Ha. Ha.

Anyway, he got this contraption that traps the chipmunks live. You put peanut butter in it, because apparently chipmunks looooove the PB. Who can blame them? It's delicious.

He put the trap out on Saturday, I think, and today he caught one. The poor thing was freaking out all day, running from one end of the trap to the other over and over. He ate all the peanut butter though. Maybe he thought it was his last meal.

When my dad got home from work, we took the chipmunk to this nature reserve to set it free. It wasted no time booking it out of that cage when we opened it. I was almost expecting a hawk or something to come charging out of a tree and attacking it, because that would be our luck, but that didn't happen. At least not while we were watching.

Wasn't there an episode of the Simpsons where something like that happened? Maybe? I can't remember. Most of my Simpsons knowledge centers around Ralph Wiggum, because he's the coolest.

boom bazooka joe

I hope everyone had a nice 4th of July weekend. I had a great one. On Friday, I went to Columbus for Red, White, and Boom, which was interesting. The fireworks show was really good, amazing really, but I don't know if I'd do it every year. When I get around big crowds like that it just makes me realize how much I really don't like people.

We had to ride a bus downtown, but we had to stand in the aisle. I have balance issues anyway, and riding a bus on the highway just made them worse. What made it even more interesting was that Katie and I were too short to really reach the bar you're supposed to hang onto, so instead we had to hang onto these strap things that didn't really provide much support. So, basically, we were hanging on these straps with our feet on the floor but the rest of our bodies were flying around and bumping into people. Not to say that our bodies, like, detached from our hands and feet and ran amuck. Even if they had, they wouldn't have been running, really, since they'd detached from the feet. Never mind.

When we got downtown and put our blanket down we had to wait about an hour and a half for it to get dark enough for the fireworks to start. All I'll say about that is that my strongest memory of that time is the smell. Body odor and french fries. And a little bit of pot, thanks to the guy standing behind us wearing a shirt that said "Security."

Yesterday we celebrated in Kettering. We went to my aunt and uncle's for a cookout. There were so many kids there, and I think they'd been injected with a lot of sugar, or caffeine, or crack, because they were nuts. At one point they were playing Capture the Flag, but I think they were confused because they weren't playing it right at all. They split into two teams and each team had a flag, but those are about the only rules they had. It was Extreme Capture the Flag. People were injured.

I think the best part of the night was watching the fireworks, because the kids were so excited. And when the real fireworks were over, the neighbors across the street set off some of their own. Fireworks in Ohio are illegal, but the fireworks these people were setting off were ILLEGAL. They were huge. But I guess if you're gonna break the law, you might as well go all the way.

You know what I was just thinking? They made a movie about dodgeball, maybe Capture the Flag is next.

If a movie about Capture the Flag comes out in the next year, let me know and I'll sue.

i saw the sign . . . and it sucks

Why does Bally Total Fitness use the Ace of Base song "I Saw the Sign" in their commercials? Couldn't they find anything else? Anything? Ace of Base was cool when I was in 6th grade. I had their cassette tape. Their CASSETTE TAPE.

In other news, The Godfather is dead.

I guess he completes the Three. You know, how celebrities die in threes? Ronald Reagan, Ray Charles, Godfather.

The end.

i promise to be more interesting . . . later

Earlier I wanted to listen to some CDs, but I couldn't find any of my favorite, new ones because I stupidly packed them all in a box that I put in storage, and the reason I haven't gone to the storage unit to find them is because I can't remember which box they're in, and there are about nine boxes.

So I had to go through my other CD cases, which wasn't all bad because I pulled out some old favorites. Which is why, earlier, I was listening to Weezer's Pinkerton and Blink 182's Enema of the State. I forgot how much I liked those CDs. Listening to them reminded me of endless hours of driving around in high school, and listening to those CDs. Well, not listening to the CDs really, because I'd copied the CDs to cassette tapes so I could listen to them in my car. Oh, those were the days.

It also reminded me that most people don't like Pinkerton. It got horrible reviews. And, even though it's not my favorite Weezer CD, I still love it. Especially El Scorcho. Oh, yeah. I listened to that song over and over and, well, you get the point.

Ok, I know this post is pretty pointless, but I've been working on sociology problems all day, so that's my excuse. My brain is done for the day.

Tomorrow I'm going to Columbus for Red, White, and Boom, which should be fun. For me, because I'm pretty sure people around me are going to get tired of me going, "Red, white, and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" all night.

The thing is, I'm supposed to either meet people somewhere before we go to Columbus, or someone is picking me up, but as of right now I have no idea which it is.

robots in disguise

This guy changed his name to Optimus Prime.

Hilarious. That is one special man.

don't let me touch anything you'd like to use again

I have the touch of death when it comes to computers today. I was using my aunt's earlier, and it freaked out and wouldn't let me ctrl + alt + delete and when I tried to manually turn it off it just stayed on like it was possessed. I finally had to just unplug the entire system from the wall and that can't be good.

Then I came home and tried to use my computer. When I opened Internet Explorer things went haywire (I love that word), I was once again unable to use the magical ctrl + alt + delete but at least this time I could turn the computer off manually. Which is still bad for the computer, but what the hell else are you supposed to do when nothing else is working?

After my computer exploded (ok, not really) I tried to use my parents. When I signed on to AOL (I hate AOL, I miss DSL) my favorite places were all mixed up. See, I'm really anal retentive (though you wouldn't know it by looking at my room most of the time) and all of my favorite places are in specific folders based on their subject matter. And they're alphabetized. I don't know how they got all mixed up; it must have been my touch of death. Everything else was going fine until I tried to sign off, but AOL refused to let me. I finally just resorted to (again) ctrl/alt/delete. What would we do without that command? I know I would have thrown my computer out the window long ago.

I'm once again using my computer, and everything seems to be going OK so far. I'm waiting for it to explode or something. If I don't post for a few days that's probably what happened.