hoocha hoocha hoocha, lobster

Tonight was a fun CPR class. First, we practiced the Heimlich (I have no idea how to spell that) manuever, which always reminds me of that Eddie Izzard bit. You know, "I've just invented a manooooooover . . . a fist, a hand, hoocha hoocha hoocha, lobster."

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sorry, but you really should go out and rent Eddie Izzard's comedy specials. Better yet, just buy them.

Next we practiced it on infant dummies. They were really freaky looking. If I ever saw a baby that looked like that and it was choking, I'd probably run away screaming. I hope I never have to save a choking baby. It's not very pleasant. Basically you pound on the baby's back while kind of holding it upside down on your arm, then you turn it over and poke it in the chest a couple of times.

Then the real fun started. We pulled out the child and adult dummies. The children looked ok (not quite as freaky as the babies) but the adults had no arms and no legs. And their noses and mouths popped out of the heads for easier cleaning, so when we pulled the torsos out of the bin they had big, gaping holes in their faces. I hope if I ever have to do CPR on someone they don't have legs or arms (and that their mouths pop out), because that's the only way I know how to do it.

Actually, I hope I never have to do it period, because the prof told us tonight that breathing into the victim's body could cause them to throw up IN YOUR MOUTH.

Awesome.