party of one, your drama is ready

I've noticed that I've started checking blogs as obsessively as I check away messages on AIM. I think the internet brings out hidden stalker qualities.

I've come to the conclusion that my sister is a drama queen. I'm hoping that she grows out of it, but having known a few drama queens over the years I'm not holding my breath.

Drama queen status can only be reached after years of hard work. Perpetuating non-existent drama takes a lot of effort. First, Drama Queen has to make up a reason to be mad at someone or blow something else out of proportion. Either option works, because Drama Queen knows how to work with limited resources.

Then, Drama Queen has to use all of her energy to become mad at the person who has "wronged" her. You'll know if Drama Queen is mad at you. The signs are obvious. You might get the silent treatment. That's probably the most often used form of punishment that a Drama Queen uses. You ask Drama Queen a question and she'll continue whatever she was doing without even acknowledging your presence.

If Drama Queen is really mad, she'll make a great showing that she's mad. She'll huff. She'll puff. She'll throw things. She'll slam things. Even if you're not the one she's angry with, prepare to deal with the aftermath. She'll take her anger out on any living thing around her.

Finally, Drama Queen will badmouth you. To everyone. Her mother, your mother, mutual friends, strangers on the street, pets, trees, it doesn't matter to Drama Queen that her reasons for being mad are moronic.

Luckily, in any family or group of friends, everyone knows who the Drama Queen is. They're easy to spot, especially when this kind of behavior happens often. So whatever Drama Queen says about you, it won't matter. Your friends and their friends will know what's really going on.

Drama Queen is having a bad day, and you just happened to be the first one she saw.

So, take a deep breath, smile, and try to wade through the bullshit without getting any on your jeans. Those stains are hell to get out.