sonofabitch

I was just walking through my room, not really paying attention, and I hit my toes on the side of my bed. Is there any pain greater than that?

I mean, aside from childbirth and getting kicked in the balls. From what I've been told. I've never experienced either, so I'm not the best judge.

The sad thing was that right after I did it, as I'm sitting there grasping my foot in pain, this thought entered my mind:

"If I broke my toe, I can do first aid on myself because I'm certified!"

Because if I wasn't certified, I would have just let my broken toes* turn green and fall off.

*I didn't really break my toes (that I know of), I'm just a wuss. Also, I don't think broken toes usually turn green. Or fall off.