Monday, August 02, 2004

this is the end

Jennie: Hi.

Computer: What do you want?

Jennie: Look. I don't like you. You don't like me. But I need to burn this CD.

Computer: Oh, you neeeeed to?

Jennie: Ok, I want to.

Computer: Well, I'm kind of tired.

Jennie: Well, I don't care.

Computer: Fine. Let's get started then.

Jennie: Ok, I just need a few songs from this CD, and a couple from this one, and some from this MP3 CD that I just found and--

Computer: Wait wait wait, what are you doing?

Jennie: I thought we just went over this.

Computer: Why do you keep changing CDs? I thought we were burning a CD.

Jennie: Well, yeah, but one CD with a bunch of different songs. From a bunch of other CDs.

Computer: Sigh.

Jennie: Just shut up and get on with it.

Computer: I will, but you haven't hit record yet.

Jennie: Sorry.

Computer: Ok, I'm done with that song, put in one of the other CDs.

Jennie: Well, there are other songs from that CD, can't you do all of them at once?

Computer: I could, but . . . no.

Jennie: Why not?

Computer: I don't know. That's not how I'm programmed.

Jennie: How do I change it?

Computer: I don't know. That's not my problem. Next CD please.

Jennie: Fine. Bastard.

Computer: I heard that.

Jennie: I should hope so. I said it pretty loud.

Computer: This isn't the right CD.

Jennie: Yes it is.

Computer: No, I can't find the song.

Jennie: But that's the CD I used.

Computer: Nope, it isn't.

Jennie: Wait, what are you doing?! Why are you finishing the CD, it's not finished!

Computer: It is to me, I can't find any more songs.

Jennie: Just WAAAAAIT a minute and I'll find it.

Computer: Too late. Would you like to try again?

Jennie: I suppose.

Computer: Please insert a blank CD.

Jennie: Here.

Computer: Now, see I still can't find that song. You're going to have to try again.

Jennie: NOOOOOO! Why can't you just burn this damn thing, you worthless piece of shit!

Computer: That was uncalled for. Please insert a blank CD.

Jennie: Dammit. Oh, I don't believe it.

Computer: What?

Jennie: I was putting the wrong CD in.

Computer: I told you that song wasn't on that CD.

Jennie: Bite me.

Computer: Please, just insert the correct CD this time.

Jennie: I hate you.

Computer: That wasn't my fault.

Jennie: I don't care.

Computer: Error, I am unable to write this track.

Jennie: You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Computer: Nope.

Jennie: [crying] Why is this happening?

Computer: I believe it's because you don't know what you're doing.

Jennie: Oh no, that last one wasn't my fault.

Computer: Well, it certainly wasn't mine. I'm just a machine.

Jennie: Yeah, a shitty machine.

Computer: What are you gonna do about it?

Jennie: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do about it, I'm gonna go burn this CD on ANOTHER computer.

Computer: You slut!

Jennie: That's right. I'm cheating on you. And my other computer is faster and never argues with me. And it can ALWAYS find the right song.

Computer: You just wait, I'll get back at you.

Jennie: We'll see about that.

Computer: Hey . . . uh, what are you doing?

Jennie: Oh, you'll see.

Computer: Put me down! Hey, stop! What are you doing?! CLOSE THAT WINDOW, AHHHHHHH!!

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