on my way to where the air is sweet

I've had the Sesame Street song stuck in my since yesterday. It's driving me crazy. CRAZY. I'm not really sure why I told you guys about it. Maybe I'm hoping it'll get stuck in your heads and I won't be so alone in Crazyland. Crazyland is sort of like Candyland, only you don't get any candy because they lock you up in a padded room and you have to wear a straight jacket and it's hard to eat candy when you're wearing a straight jacket. ANYWAY.

Last night, I led my group at volunteering and no one died and no one kicked me and none of the kids told me that I eat poo. Which is good, because I do NOT eat poo. If you hear a rumor that I do, in fact, eat poo, that rumor is FALSE. When I got home, I had an email from the director telling me I did a good job, which is great because I pretty much need positive reinforcement ALL THE TIME, otherwise I think I suck and that everyone hates me. Heh. Kidding. Still, the fact remains that I am, above all, a people pleaser, so when people are pleased? It means I did my job. I've always been a bit of a suck-up, especially in elementary school. Yes, I was a troublemaker, but I never really did anything bad. I was the one in the back of the room whispering ideas to other kids so THEY'D get in trouble. I can count on one hand the times I really remember getting in trouble at school (or daycare) and they are:

1. In Kindergarten, I squirted glue in someone's face and had to sit in the corner. The rest of the class was making Mother's Day cards or something and I didn't get to make one. So, Mom, if you didn't get a Mother's Day card in 1988, it's because I tried to blind a kid with glue.

2. Once at daycare, I kept saying "pubic hair" and making the other kids giggle, so I had to sit in timeout and apologize to the teacher. For saying "pubic hair." Out loud. I still maintain that it's a scientific term and I was just trying to teach everyone that Science can be funny.

3. In 5th grade, we had a substitute teacher and I passed around a note that said, "EVERYONE DROP YOUR BOOKS ON THE FLOOR AT EXACTLY 11:15." I mean . . . what? What kind of lameass prank is that? My guess is, I read about it in a book and thought, "hey, if they do it in a book, it must be awesome." I got a lot of ideas from books. Like the time I hid food all over my room because Claudia Kishi did it in the Babysitters Club books. Yeah. I eventually got in trouble for that, mostly because my parents kept wondering where all the Little Debbies and bags of Doritos went.

4. Oh, and also that time my sister and I were fighting and we ripped her bedroom door off the hinges. And that other time my sister and I were fighting and I cracked a ceramic figurine on her head. Or that other OTHER time my sister and I were fighting and she called 911. She called 911 and I GOT IN TROUBLE. TRUE. STORY.

It's not that I was a perfect angel and never, ever did anything to get into trouble. I've just always been very sneaky. If I did something bad, I'd put on my innocent face and blame it on someone else, like, say, my sister. So. You should probably watch your back. Especially if you're my sister.