Tuesday, April 29, 2008

when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way

This morning, I almost walked right into a goose fight. Goose fight! This is an almost everyday occurrence. We live right next to Walden Pond (suck it, Thoreau . . . I'm just kidding, Henry, I love you) and there are geese everywhere. Angry geese. They fight all the time, sort of like they're the geese versions of the Capulets and the Montagues. I almost ran over Tybalt and Benvolio as I was pulling out of the parking lot. Tybalt was chasing Benvolio and trying to bite him on the butt. It was weird. A couple weeks ago, Heidi and I watched the geese fighting for like twenty minutes. OK, it was five minutes, but whatever. While we were watching it, we had the following conversation. Or something like the following conversation. I don't remember, it was two weeks ago and if you think I remember EXACTLY what happened two weeks ago, then you are sorely mistaken.

Me: Heidi! The geese are fighting!
Heidi: I thought I heard them!
Me: Ooh, that one is chasing the other one!
Heidi: They're so angry!
Me: This is just like Romeo & Juliet.
Heidi: OK.
Me: Oh, man, look at that one!
Heidi: He's all, "Get off my property! This side of the pond is MINE!"
Me: And the other one is like, "Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?"
Heidi: Um . . . geese don't have thumbs.
Me: Whatever.

Anyway, later this morning, a duck almost flew right into my windshield. THE BIRDS HAVE GONE CRAZY.

So my birthday has come and gone and I have to say it was a good one. I met my parents and sister for dinner last night and it was delicious. Heidi came, too, because she is their favorite daughter. It's true. They tell me all the time. It's really bad for my self-esteem, but do they stop? No. Anyway, do you want to know what I had for dinner? Too bad. I ordered the chicken piccata JUST BECAUSE it came with mashed potatoes and asparagus. I think I would order a main dish of Poop Flambe if it came with a side of mashed potatoes. We also had wine made by, as my dad pointed out, "Nicholas Cage's uncle." Hee. And I got a free chocolate mousse! And! Even better, the restaurant staff didn't do anything embarrassing like, you know, sing a stupid birthday song. I hate that. It makes my face all blushy and I hate that even more.

After dinner, Heidi and I went shopping, which I normally hate, but I needed some stuff. I only bought necessities, which were: running shoes, a t-shirt with Animal on it. If you don't think that last one is a necessity, then I don't think we can be friends anymore.


  1. A few things:

    (1) Happy belated birthday!

    (2) A t-shirt with Animal on it? Where, where? I was such a fan - especially of Baby Animal on Muppet Babies.

    (3) I love geese fights! I especially love when they throw their beaks in the air (and wave them like they just don't care) and squawk. AWESOME!

  2. 1. Thanks!

    2. I got it at Kohl's for 9 dollars!

    3. I like it when they put their heads down and their wings out and run really fast.

  3. I'm going to shoot those geese. I hate them! Also, that conversation I think is pretty close to the actual one.

  4. OK, good. Sometimes I think about just making stuff up, but then I remember that you read this and would totally call me out.

  5. I remember the main Goose in Charlotte's Web was a bad-ass mother who could intimidate Templeton. That said, the goose talked funny saying things like "Glady-ady-ady-glad to meet you!"

    Stupid goose.

    (I don't know either...)

  6. You know when Templeton eats all that food and his belly gets big and he rolls around on his big, giant belly? That always grosses me out.

  7. I'm sure this comment is coming so late that no one will ever read it, but once upon a time, I was repeatedly threatened and attacked by a goose. Our neighbor had one (well, almost everyone in that neighborhood had them), and me being two years old, I was approximately the size of whatever a large goose would consider to be prey. I still remember how it would run at me, honking and flapping its wings. It bit my arm. Waah!

    I also knew people who used a watch goose instead of a watch dog. It would squawk whenever a stranger even came near the yard. Geese are very territorial.

    I never realized how much geese were an integral part of my childhood.