The thought of popping one of your beets in my mouth makes me want to vomit.

Dear Internets, how are you today? I'm happy that it's Thursday, which is almost Friday, which is PRACTICALLY Saturday, which is, in fact, the weekend. We're having a luncheon at work today for . . . well, for no reason, really. I like having these luncheons because I get free food and most of the people I work with are really good cooks. I don't like having these luncheons because it means I have to cook something. I've gotten away with bringing chips and salsa or soda and ice a couple of times, but sometimes they actually expect me to cook something. Please. So I volunteered to bring brownies. At the time, I thought I'd be all Julia Childs (what?) and get my mom's brownie recipe and make real, homemade brownies. But then I got off work yesterday and was like, "yep, box mix it is." Whatever, the way I figure it, I can easily mess up brownies from scratch, but it's a lot harder to mess up box mix brownies.

So, yes, I made box brownies for my coworkers. But whatever, they're just my coworkers. And if any of them ask, I'm definitely saying I made them from scratch. Suckers.

Before I made brownies, I went running and discovered that it might be time to buy some new running shoes. Actually I think it's way past time to buy new running shoes, but that's beside the point. Who made up that saying? Beside the point, I mean. Why isn't it behind the point? Or on top of the point? Um.

Oh! I'm pretty sure I witnessed the best shoplifter ever at Kroger. I was waiting in line at the self-checkout and the two ladies at the checkout thingies on the right apparently knew each other and we're all "talk talk talk" while I gave the one in front Death Eyes because she was done and just standing there. FINALLY, she walked out all leisurely with her cart (her cart!) full of stuff. Well. I went up to the checkout and it was on that screen where you say how you're paying. That lady didn't pay! And she was so breezy about it! What a whore. If I ever see her again (and I'll recognize her, because I gave her Death Eyes for quite a while), I'm either going to shake her hand or kick her in the shins. I haven't decided yet. Maybe both.

I can't believe I keep forgetting to tell you guys about this. There's this commercial for a pregnancy test and the announcer has this super deep voice and is all, "when you're knocked up, you want to know ASAP because DEAR GOD babies are scary." I might be paraphrasing. Anyway, at the end of the commerical he says, "it is the most sophisticated piece of technology you'll ever pee on." The first time I heard it, I was all, "whaaaaa?" Can you say that on TV? If so, WHY would you say that on TV? Well, apparently you cannot say this on TV, because I heard the commercial again this morning and they'd changed it to, "it is the most sophisticated piece of technology you'll ever [clears throat] . . . you know." I was disappointed because it was so much funnier when he was talking about peeing on technology and now you probably don't even believe me. I know it sounds like something I would make up, but I swear that's what he really said. And I mean . . . what? It doesn't make sense. What if you accidentally pee on an iPhone or something? That's gotta be a more sophisticated piece of technology than a pregnancy test.

And you're probably thinking, "Jennie. How would one pee on an iPhone?" WELL, you doubters, I say to you THIS: say you're talking on your iPhone, but you just drank a gallon of water earlier and you really have to pee, so you head to the bathroom and . . . you know, and mid-stream, you drop your phone in the toilet and pee all over that very, very sophisticated piece of technology.

So there.