There's been a new addition to our home. That's right. All these past months, I've been totally pregnant and yesterday I spewed forth a child from my loins. All those times you thought I was visiting friends or going out drinking I was really visiting my unborn child's father.
In prison. It really wasn't his fault, you know. Sometimes those guns just accidently go off during a robbery. It couldn't be helped, obviously.
Please tell me you know I'm kidding. Because I am. About the baby, anyway. Not about my boyfriend, Rodrigo, in prison. Ok, yes I am. I'm a huge liar. I can't help it. It's a problem.
Anyway, there really is a new addition, and it's called . . . DVR. It's like TiVo. I think. I'm a little fuzzy on what TiVo actually is, other than awesome. But basically, with DVR you can record a bunch of shit ALL THE TIME and pause and rewind live TV. I was hoping you could fast forward, so I could see into the future, but apparently cable boxes haven't evolved that far. Yet.
This means that tonight we can record The Simpsons, Arrested Development, and Desperate Housewives WHILE we watch the Survivor finale ALL WITHOUT the VCR.
We don't need you anymore, VCR. We're through. Game over, man. Take your clunky videotapes and your remote and all your stupid cords and GET THE HELL OUT.