I have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything on Sundays, especially in the afternoon and evening, because I know that tomorrow I have to go back to work and why am I wasting the few precious, precious free hours I have left writing articles such as, "How to Wax the Chest?" I am fairly certain that is knowledge I will never, ever need and I feel as if I'd rather not divulge the information I've gathered to the public at large, for fear that all men will start WAXING THEIR CHESTS ALL THE TIME.
Note to men: Do not wax your chests, please.
I'm finding it really difficult to write these articles today because . . . I just don't want to. Heidi's in the other room watching How I Met Your Mother and there's so much Internet to read and also I have become hopelessly addicted to Scrabulous. I'm not any good, of course, mostly because my method of playing is, "hmm, I think I've heard this word before," and then I just throw a bunch of letters together, hit Play Word, and hope it sticks.
In other news, last night Heidi and I watched this episode of True Life on MTV that has to be at least seven years old, but the people on it were all having plastic surgery of some sort. The guy was having calf implants. CALF IMPLANTS. I just . . . there are no words to describe how absolutely stupid that is. What was hilarious, though, was that this guy shaves his entire body AND wears body glitter when he goes out. Yeah, I said body glitter. I'm glad it was on, though, because we had just finished the worst movie ever, after stupidly taking advice from some guy standing behind us at Kroger while we were picking movies out of the movie machine. He was all, "The Ultimate Gift is good. Don't get Zodiac, it's really long." I'm not sure what made us listen to him, especially since he was wearing Bengals pajama pants and also, since when do I take movie-related advice PERIOD, let alone movie-related advice about a JAKE GYLLENHAAL MOVIE? Anyway, if I ever see that guy again, I'm kicking him square in the nut because The Ultimate Gift sucked. It was worse than everything in the Nicholas Sparks oeuvre PUT TOGETHER. And now I would please like you to give me credit* for sitting through the entire thing. Thank you in advance.
*will take booze instead
Any time you want to play Scrabulous, just challenge me to a game. You will probably win (as my record shows).
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of that "True Life" is when the guy with the calf implants goes out with his friends and one of them refers to the surgery as "tits for his legs"...or something along those lines.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you want to learn how to become a Scrabulous asshole I am happy to be of service.
I've totally seen that episode, and that guy was an idiot, both for getting calf implants, and letting the whole world know through MTV that he was getting calf implants.
ReplyDeletehey lady, who is beating WHOM right now?
ReplyDeleteHey, everyone gets lucky every now and then.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part is at the very end when they give the update that calf-boy still didn't have a girlfriend. Wasn't that the reasoning behind him wanting implants - to be the perfectly attractive male specimen? Ha! Idiot.
ReplyDeleteWhy is that the only episode of True Life I remember? Maybe because it's the only one I've watched in its entirety. Because, seriously, CALF IMPLANTS. Who thinks of this shit?
ReplyDeleteI love that EVERYONE has seen this!
ReplyDelete