I could write a song, and using real words, not "odelay."

You guys know how I'm not smart, right? I mean, you really should know that if you've been reading this blog for even just a couple days. If you haven't realized by now that I'm not smart, well, I'm sorry to say that you might be just as dumb as I am.

I do a lot of stupid things. I drink and then talk to people or dial my cell phone or attempt to not fall down. I eat things I know will make me feel so, so sick. I stay up too late when I know I have to get up early the next morning. This morning I burnt my hand with my blowdryer and once I poked myself in the eye with my toothbrush.

And last night, when a dear friend desperately needed an answer to a very important question (I mean, five bucks was riding on it), I thought, "what would Abigail do?" And you know what? Abigail would head straight to Wackopedia. And so I typed Wackopedia into the search field and when Google was all, "did you mean Wikipedia*?" I was all, "no, you fool, take me to Wackopedia toot sweet**!" but you guys? Wackopedia*** is not what it's called. Not yet anyway.

*note: Google did not ask that. What's up, Google? You're slacking.
**whenever I see "wiktionary," I think of that episode of Futurama where Bender couldn't move his body and Beck's Head in a Jar was all like, "Check the Becktionary!" Wow, good story.
***I blame Heather! Anne! for this

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Today on The Collective, I offer to make sweet love to the Internets.